On the following pages, you can read about the experiences of both former and current students of Colchester Royal Grammar School (CRGS). These have been made public to raise awareness and encourage the school to implement lasting change.
- If you attended CRGS or CCHS, you can leave an anonymous comment about CRGS at https://forms.gle/EbMGiG17GNy59H39A. Thank you for your bravery.
- If you are shocked, please subscribe to receive future updates about these allegations: https://forms.gle/AJD8oghusRJWfP5c9
- If you have been affected by anything you have read, please scroll down to the bottom of this page where you will find a list of places to seek support.
- Note: Editor added bold/ purple, this was not done by the author. Its purpose is to highlight the key issues raised in each submission.
#1: I left a folder of work in the back room of the library once, I wasn't gone very long. When I came back a boy I didn't even know had written 'bitch' in biro on the front of the folder. Totally unprovoked.
#2: I remember at one CRGS party one boy would not take no for an answer and repeatedly shoved his hands down my knickers until in desperation I ran to the bathroom and shoved a sanitary towel into my pants so that I could pretend I had my period and he would leave me alone.
#3: I didn't join the OC's after leaving the school because I felt like it was exclusive, male-oriented and a product of the sexist sentiment that permeated the school. Moreover, I didn't want to be associated further with something I didn't feel like I was part of anyway. I know some girls enjoyed their time at CRGS, and I did have some wonderful teachers and many wonderful male and female peers, but I am also one of many who left feeling degraded and with lower self esteem after experiencing insidious 'lad culture', inherent derogation and unchallenged 'banter', cattiness bred into cliquey dynamics, and feeling that inclusion of girls was a bonus to school credentials rather than a part of the fabric of the school.
#4: During time at the school they set up the 'rape society' and had darkness Friday to discuss disgusting topics such as could you rape a baby. Boys would play games about throwing paper balls down my top or try and unzip my skirt as I walked/send videos of my bum as I walked. With hindsight, none of the boys had any idea what consent is and took advantage of a lot of girls and then slut-shamed them relentlessly.
#5: Just have to say I resonate strongly with everything you’ve said even though I am a girl who attended CRGS sixth form many years after you. The boys in my year, especially the ‘star pupils’, could and did get away with anything- from acts of racism/sexism/homophobia/bullying and more serious crimes.
Things reported to the teachers were not properly dealt with and the male perpetrators would walk away usually without even detention. Many went on to become the head boys and deputies. I watched as complaints from parents had no impact on these issues. The failure of the teachers to deal with these events and protect targeted pupils properly led to a culture of silence.
I know personally of multiple times people did not report* incidences because if you “got one of the lads in trouble” you would have all of them turn against you. They would lie to protect each other, and you would basically be a target of bullying and be told you can’t take a joke etc. For many people, it wasn’t worth it. Why would you go to the teachers just to watch the male perpetrators be called in to speak to them, and walk away with no consequences, while you’re left with a target on your back for the remainder of your time there? You end up creating men who have learned that they can get away with anything and who have also been told they’re cleverer and better than the general population from age 11.
*sometimes people did report to teachers and were asked if they were sure they wanted the teachers to get involved/speak to the perpetrators- at which point the victim often got scared and backed out.
#6: I remember CRGS as the most alienating and toxic school I have ever attended. Coming from a state comprehensive where all genders, cultures, races mixed, in sixth form I found myself in the deep end of a predominantly white male environment where the only culture which seemed to exist was that of egotistic elitism and sexism. This is the only story I have screenshots to prove and hence I will share - this is the case of one of the boy’s sisters taking a bikini photo which landed on the group chat of my old ‘friendship’ group. Immediately the response was “your sister is a dirty bugger”, “illegal things would be done”, “she can be my baguette”, “I’d dip it in her to tease her”, “coat it in butter and make it slippery”.
*sometimes people did report to teachers and were asked if they were sure they wanted the teachers to get involved/speak to the perpetrators- at which point the victim often got scared and backed out.
#6: I remember CRGS as the most alienating and toxic school I have ever attended. Coming from a state comprehensive where all genders, cultures, races mixed, in sixth form I found myself in the deep end of a predominantly white male environment where the only culture which seemed to exist was that of egotistic elitism and sexism. This is the only story I have screenshots to prove and hence I will share - this is the case of one of the boy’s sisters taking a bikini photo which landed on the group chat of my old ‘friendship’ group. Immediately the response was “your sister is a dirty bugger”, “illegal things would be done”, “she can be my baguette”, “I’d dip it in her to tease her”, “coat it in butter and make it slippery”.
Another story is my person which upset me greatly at the time as the first xenophobic statement I experienced from the mouths of my supposed friends. This was a Facebook conversation in the ‘a level’ group chat which included all my year of around 200 people. This happened surrounding the intense Brexit leave process and I already felt weird being surrounded by a lot of ignorant stances of elitist people who didn’t know what it’s like to be an immigrant.
The conversation about Brexit erupted and led to my ex-boyfriend leaving a comment sarcastically “yeah fuck them immigrants bring back the empire”. This was an obvious joke but it was the comment of the head girl whom I wasn’t close with that made me cry as soon as I got home, questioning the value of my own identity. She responded, “you did fuck an immigrant” which in my ears and everyone else’s (who decided to stay silent as the girl was very popular and nobody dared to confront her joke) sounded like a slur or an inferior category. This was her idea of playing into the lad culture where jokes about me cleaning people’s houses were persistent as if comedic creativity ended at rape jokes, sex and primitive xenophobia.
#7: The treatment of girls in my year group was disgusting. (2007-2012 cohort). One time at a party, my friend had disappeared off with a guy, only to find her in the house having sex with a guy whilst she was completely OUT OF IT and could hardly stand up, with around 4-5 CRGS boys standing and watching and taking photos.
#8: I was fortunate enough to have not experienced some of the more overt misogyny discussed in your article whilst attending CRGS (incidentally in the same year as the author), but to this day, I do remember the low-level everyday sexism that was always let slide by teachers who happened to overhear.
Most notably, I remember sitting in front of three boys in my history class, two of which used to comment on my arse every time I stood up or sat down. For two years. In the way that misogyny affects men too, they were always trying to pressure the other boy, commenting on how he was leading the catcalling whilst he looked visibly uncomfortable and apoplectic. As I sat one row from the front, I have no doubt that the teacher heard this, and yet no intervention was ever made.
I know friends who had obscene hand gestures made at them through windows by younger pupils and remember a pressurising sexualising culture that was constantly obsessed with "how far you'd gone" with your partner. As someone who then moved into a male-dominated industry with its own archaic approach to women in the workplace, I recognize the same toxic masculinity that dogged the school.
I've just remembered that actually, a boy once picked me up, threw me over his shoulder up and slapped my arse in front of everyone on the sports field. It's so normalised that how troubling that is has only just occurred to me. It should be noted that I never reported any of this stuff, less because I didn't think the school would do anything, and more because it was so pervasive, I didn't even realise it was a bad thing.
#9: Perhaps a wider issue that could be mentioned here is the treatment the CRGS crowd inflicted on the other schools of the area which they interacted with most. As a former member of CCHS (which is admittedly not itself without fault in the elitism points), I know from experience that meetings between the girl and boy grammar school lot were often also frequently laced with the misogyny and rape culture described in your article. I am sure this is also true of students from St Mary’s girl school. I think speaking to people from my school could be an interesting expansion on the study, although perhaps less relevant than the experience of women directly in the school.
#10: Whilst at CRGS I remember my first strange experience being told that the boys had all given the girls in the year above me nicknames based off of animals.
#9: Perhaps a wider issue that could be mentioned here is the treatment the CRGS crowd inflicted on the other schools of the area which they interacted with most. As a former member of CCHS (which is admittedly not itself without fault in the elitism points), I know from experience that meetings between the girl and boy grammar school lot were often also frequently laced with the misogyny and rape culture described in your article. I am sure this is also true of students from St Mary’s girl school. I think speaking to people from my school could be an interesting expansion on the study, although perhaps less relevant than the experience of women directly in the school.
#10: Whilst at CRGS I remember my first strange experience being told that the boys had all given the girls in the year above me nicknames based off of animals.
One key experience for me, especially having done Physics as an A level was that the girls in my class (3 of us) all got made to sit at the front in the middle of the room so that we would ‘find it easier to understand’ this made me incredibly uncomfortable in these lessons in particular.
There was of course the regular reminders and tellings off for wearing a top that was even slightly body fitting (god forbid anyone knew what an actual woman’s body looks like!!) or a skirt that was slightly above my knee, or even ankle socks whilst wearing trousers. It was always made clear that this would be a distraction for the boys and that it was my problem to fix. Not only that but it was always publicly done in front of others as if to shame us girls into not wearing clothes we felt comfortable in. Not one short skirt has ever cost a male student their education but it has the ability to cost mine.
Despite these things I was able to make a fair amount of male friends during my time at crgs. But this came with its own issues, there were people who would call me names such as slut or slag. hanging around with my male friend's meant that there was some automatic assumption that I was going to or already was sleeping with them.
I was regularly called male names such as ‘XXXX’ or people would make jokes about how I ‘had a penis’ because of my more ‘Tom boy’ interests. It was constant microaggressions like this that sum up my time at CRGS. There were comments made by teachers themselves about my subject choices and the fact that XXXX wasn’t a very ‘girly’ subject and that I would be given extra help in XXXX and if I ever did struggle to just ‘let them know’, when I had not asked for extra help or shown any lesser understanding than my male classmates.
I have been sexually assaulted at a party and when I told my friends about it they shrugged it off and the boy who assaulted me messaged me the next day saying he ‘meant no harm’ and ‘didn’t mean it’ and ‘just drunk’ and I felt like I had no right to be upset by it as no one else seemed to care. This sort of behaviour was extremely common at CRGS party’s and it was never taken seriously by any of the male students and was mostly put down to ‘boys will be boys’. There was also the typical rumours ad lies spread about any girl who would even kiss one of the boys, where even other girls in the year would look down and talk behind others backs just to distance themselves from being on that end of the abuse. These rumours managed to haunt me through my entire time at crgs and when I eventually called out the boys who were lying about me they denied any blame or wrongdoing.
#11: I find it abhorrent that a certain man that I know to be the subject of your tasteful description in this article is still the poster boy for the OCs. His constant racist, homophobic, sexist comments make for an environment that no women, especially woman of colour, could ever feel comfortable in.
How can a man make xenophobic and sexist comments towards students in the midst of a presentation about joining the OCs ever help to recruit the intelligent, thoughtful and kind people (women AND men) that the society desperately needs to be something worth being a part of? I was heavily involved in the school in my time there, close with senior management and I've stayed in touch with many teachers since - if I cannot bring myself to associate myself with the OCs then why would anyone else?
#12:
1. One male student told me I looked pregnant nearly every single time I passed him in school - so humiliating and shocking it's difficult to respond with something witty/ cutting, your effort is spent trying to control the lump in your throat. That and other body-related comments led to an eating disorder.
2. Casual bum brushing, touching, comments from boys in younger year groups, despite the age gap, about my being a woman and wearing skirts/ dresses.
3. One student rubbed his dick on me continually and tried to force it into my mouth whilst I was asleep after a party (happened off-campus - but his behaviour cannot be removed from the school's rape culture).
4. I actually 'hid' in the girls' common room nearly every lunch time to avoid lewd or mean comments in the main common room. A number of women did that.
5. Men in my year set challenges for actual trophies to encourage their peers to prey on new girls in the year below and be the 'top shagger'.
6. Any sanctions for any bad behaviour, including the yearbook, were pathetic and only led to more abuse and harassment from a gang of lads who felt emboldened by their ability to squirm out of any real punishment.
7. Social media was burgeoning as a means of abuse when I was at CRGS and I received many nasty comments about my looks and my 'annoying whiney feminazi' personality either publicly on my profile (very embarrassing, I mostly just deleted it), or by private message. I dread to think about the impact social media, snapchat etc. has had on students.
8. Lots of the male students referred to things as 'gay', used the 'n-word', made fatphobic comments, referred to most girls at some point as a slut/slag or painted a more graphic picture. I remember one boy telling me he wouldn't even 'rape me' because I am so ugly. One thing that really stands out to me when I look back on those events, is that the culture of fear prevented me from doing anything about it.
I felt so unsupported I just hid, or cried, which I thought was pathetic, but on reflection, how much can a 16-year-old girl in a new, harmful environment, productively do? Staff need to highlight that they are there to help - there needs to be counselling sessions, mentors to speak to about abuse confidentially, and MONEY and RESOURCES allocated to women and non-binary students' welfare. Having said that, I don't think that anything will meaningfully change until the gender ratio is increased and women are pre-warned about the lion's nest they're walking into. Don't sell 15-year-olds the dream that they're going to have a wonderful 2 years and then end up at Cambridge when in actual fact the lack of social education has a grave impact on every aspect of life contemporaneously and possibly later in life.
#13: At CRGS, a boy in my year spread a rumour he had slept with me and never admitted the lie, another somehow got hold of my phone number and pretended to be a friend I was 'meeting', lured me to an empty alleyway and proceeded to send a load of terrifying texts saying "I can see you, I know what you're wearing" etc. The sexism I experienced there was so casual - from teachers as much as the students - the head of the sixth form sent a very inappropriate email calling me "unladylike".
#14: Although not a CRGS pupil, I am a CCHS pupil. I can only mirror what you say and unfortunately, I know only too well the rape culture that surrounds our schools, so much so that until only a few years ago I was still unable to label myself as a victim of rape. It was only through therapy and an incredibly supportive partner that I was able to admit that actually what happened to me, in the grounds of CRGS no less, was not my fault, and indeed was rape.
#13: At CRGS, a boy in my year spread a rumour he had slept with me and never admitted the lie, another somehow got hold of my phone number and pretended to be a friend I was 'meeting', lured me to an empty alleyway and proceeded to send a load of terrifying texts saying "I can see you, I know what you're wearing" etc. The sexism I experienced there was so casual - from teachers as much as the students - the head of the sixth form sent a very inappropriate email calling me "unladylike".
#14: Although not a CRGS pupil, I am a CCHS pupil. I can only mirror what you say and unfortunately, I know only too well the rape culture that surrounds our schools, so much so that until only a few years ago I was still unable to label myself as a victim of rape. It was only through therapy and an incredibly supportive partner that I was able to admit that actually what happened to me, in the grounds of CRGS no less, was not my fault, and indeed was rape.
What might be even more surprising to know, that I was unable to see myself as a victim, as when telling my friends what happened (having a CRGS boy force himself into my mouth whilst I was in and out of consciousness and pin me down to have sex with me despite my protests) because said boy was so notorious as being a fun popular guy, instead of being struck with horror, my friends wanted to know details and said they weren’t surprised something happened between us - as if it were consensual and I should be proud of sleeping with this guy.
Naturally he told all his friends and from then on whenever we were seen together again, at parties or even at the bus stop on Lexden Road it was joked about and people asked when he was going to ‘get another turn’.
I’d love for CRGS to recognise the culture they manifest, so far so that a 15-year-old girl was raped on their grounds by one of their pupils and it became a running joke amongst their students. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is an isolated problem, I shared a bus home with St Benedict’s students and the same issues arose. I think this is a teenage boy problem and not enough people are calling them out for their attitudes to women.
#15: Thank you for such a really well-written and thought-provoking article. I left the school 10 years ago after attending from Year 7 onwards. Since I’ve left I’ve thought a lot about the casual racist, sexist and homophobic jokes that we all took part in during our time at the school.
Reading your article has made me reflect more on those times and realise how much more deeply ingrained all of this was. I vividly remember starting in Year 7 and being told by boys in older years that all the sixth form girls had nicknames (which were all derogatory) - and that very much set the tone for the rest of my career at CRGS.
#16: One of my buttons had come undone on my shirt and a lovely young man helped me out by letting me know so I could do it back up.... after taking a photograph and sending it to a group chat of 30+ people. No boys defended me and nothing was done about it. He probably still has those photos.
#17: Whilst I attended the sixth form there was just an accepted level of inappropriate touching, staring or comments made in lessons in front of teachers, that were just ignored. There were songs and chants made which contained names of some of the girls, or were written about them generally with sexual themes. Boys were made to learn these songs off by heart and sing them whilst on a rugby tour. I remember reading some of these songs being horrified, whilst all the other boys in the room were just laughing.
#16: One of my buttons had come undone on my shirt and a lovely young man helped me out by letting me know so I could do it back up.... after taking a photograph and sending it to a group chat of 30+ people. No boys defended me and nothing was done about it. He probably still has those photos.
#17: Whilst I attended the sixth form there was just an accepted level of inappropriate touching, staring or comments made in lessons in front of teachers, that were just ignored. There were songs and chants made which contained names of some of the girls, or were written about them generally with sexual themes. Boys were made to learn these songs off by heart and sing them whilst on a rugby tour. I remember reading some of these songs being horrified, whilst all the other boys in the room were just laughing.
You could not spend lunchtime without hearing one of the boys talk about how big one of the girls bums looked, how much of a slut someone was or how frigid someone else was. Some of the boys felt it was there right to stare at girls because how could they help themselves when she's wearing that skirt or wearing that tight top.
Posts were made on social media slut-shaming some of the girls that went to CRGS, this was taken to a staff member and the only repercussions of this was the account was deleted. Only for it to resurface a couple months later. How are girls at CRGS supposed to come forward when staff that are told about the issues do nothing? The perpetrators are instead teachers favourites, the popular rugby players and the poster boys of the school.
#18: I never really realised or thought about how much of an issue this was until recently starting uni and I realised that not all boys are anything like those at the grammar. From attending a girls school prior to coming to CRGS, common for some of the girls that join the sixth form, the behaviour of the boys at CRGS is majorly tolerated, although reflecting on it, it shouldn’t have been. I agree with most of the comments here that the boys would stick up for each other, and if one had said or done something obviously wrong, it wouldn’t be brought up in the friendship group as a ‘protection’ mechanism I suppose.
#18: I never really realised or thought about how much of an issue this was until recently starting uni and I realised that not all boys are anything like those at the grammar. From attending a girls school prior to coming to CRGS, common for some of the girls that join the sixth form, the behaviour of the boys at CRGS is majorly tolerated, although reflecting on it, it shouldn’t have been. I agree with most of the comments here that the boys would stick up for each other, and if one had said or done something obviously wrong, it wouldn’t be brought up in the friendship group as a ‘protection’ mechanism I suppose.
I think this is where the issue is. For a lot of boys at the grammar they’ve known each other since they were 11 years old, and essentially place most of their trust in that group. It’s not surprising that their misogynistic and sexist behaviour is recurrent if ‘the boys’ don’t tell them otherwise, and from there they think it’s ok for them to do that and becomes this ‘culture’. An incident occurred the summer I left with the school captain at the time, and although disturbed by it I never spoke out since we’d then left and I wanted to move on, and so I’m glad this has been set up.
#19: As a CCHS girl, I was shocked but not surprised by this article. Reflecting on the behaviour of CRGS students, made me realise just how much we normalised sexist and elitist behaviour. Consent was a very thin line, and I have always thought that I had an equal part to play in an incident, but reading of others experiences has highlighted how controlling and manipulative some boys could be and made me question my own position. Their status and privilege protected them from repurcusions, and gave them the green light in too many situations. Thank you for continuing the conversation. I hope this brings about change
#20: As an unpopular male student (if you're not good at sports you were a potential target) I went through similar, although way less extreme or sexually abject, instances of bullying and coercion to act in a certain way. The whole thing was pretty toxic and made a lot of people feel very mentally damaged. Surely the teachers must have known this was going on (if not all of it, then at least enough to see the need to intervene somehow?!)
#19: As a CCHS girl, I was shocked but not surprised by this article. Reflecting on the behaviour of CRGS students, made me realise just how much we normalised sexist and elitist behaviour. Consent was a very thin line, and I have always thought that I had an equal part to play in an incident, but reading of others experiences has highlighted how controlling and manipulative some boys could be and made me question my own position. Their status and privilege protected them from repurcusions, and gave them the green light in too many situations. Thank you for continuing the conversation. I hope this brings about change
#20: As an unpopular male student (if you're not good at sports you were a potential target) I went through similar, although way less extreme or sexually abject, instances of bullying and coercion to act in a certain way. The whole thing was pretty toxic and made a lot of people feel very mentally damaged. Surely the teachers must have known this was going on (if not all of it, then at least enough to see the need to intervene somehow?!)
My own dealings with the girls at school, to my best recollection, were very respectful and they were always seen as peers who were on my level, none of this superiority complex bullshit I never signed up to. However, to this day I feel bad about not doing more to call stuff out when I saw it. Like many people who have shared their experiences can attest, you were absolutely paralysed by fear of what would happen if you spoke out; being physically intimidated, (in my case) facing homophobic abuse or being shut out/ignored by your peers.
I don't think posting anonymously about this absolves my complicity through inaction and silence, I'm just trying to share the context of how, at the age of 16-17, the idea of never going to a party again because you were labelled a 'spoil sport' or whatever at the time seemed like the end of the world. Your priorities when you're trying to fit in can become horribly skewed.
Now I have a defined sense of identity and a healthier level of self worth (no thanks to CRGS) of course I would act differently if I witnessed misogyny first hand. The question for me is then how do you teach a 16 year old about the dangers of group think or that being different is okay or that you should stand up in what you believe in even if it might make you less popular to those whose opinions you shouldn't care about at all in the first place?
#21: Having spent my sixth form years at CRGS, I remember having encountered an endless amount of normalised sexism, for instance, upon the first few months of starting, the girls were rated and discussions during our free revision periods or lunchtimes were about which body part of a woman was better - I’m sure you can specify what exactly it was they were talking about. Now to call out these issues lead to even more, you’d be labelled a man hater, a ‘feminazi’ or a ‘snowflake’, because to many boys, sexism is funny and therefore to fit in with their friends they continue, and that is how it breeds.
#22 :As a gay male in lower school my feminism was only ‘excused’ (yes, this is the attitude many held) by several other students because of my sexuality, with some of the people making some hideous comments essentially about my sexuality etc.
#21: Having spent my sixth form years at CRGS, I remember having encountered an endless amount of normalised sexism, for instance, upon the first few months of starting, the girls were rated and discussions during our free revision periods or lunchtimes were about which body part of a woman was better - I’m sure you can specify what exactly it was they were talking about. Now to call out these issues lead to even more, you’d be labelled a man hater, a ‘feminazi’ or a ‘snowflake’, because to many boys, sexism is funny and therefore to fit in with their friends they continue, and that is how it breeds.
#22 :As a gay male in lower school my feminism was only ‘excused’ (yes, this is the attitude many held) by several other students because of my sexuality, with some of the people making some hideous comments essentially about my sexuality etc.
In the sixth form I feel things are better since most of the boys can see at least that their words have an effect on women, but the same attitude is clearly continuing. The idea among young students that the respect of, empowerment of, or even platonic relationships with women should be debatable issues was one of the worst problems I saw, and was the root of most of the misogyny that I witnessed.
#23: I attended CCHS and I know at least 2 girls who were sexually assaulted by CRGS boys at parties. I had one CRGS boy force me to the ground with himself on top of me and force his tongue into my mouth at a party when I was 16. If it hadn't been for the intervention of a male friend (also a CRGS student) he would have continued to sexually assault me. Meanwhile the CCHS attitude to anything like this being mentioned was pretty much "you asked for it with your behavior". But then CCHS has its own major issues to deal with.
#24: I stand in solidarity with every single thing you’ve written and all the girls who attended CRGS. As a former CCHS girl in the same year as the author, I remember clearly a lot of the instances mentioned in the article and how terrible the abuse was for girls attending CRGS. We were just relieved we weren’t at school with those boys - we got a break from it all in an all-female environment. Having said that, it was also horrific being a CCHS girl in the same orbit as CRGS boys.
#23: I attended CCHS and I know at least 2 girls who were sexually assaulted by CRGS boys at parties. I had one CRGS boy force me to the ground with himself on top of me and force his tongue into my mouth at a party when I was 16. If it hadn't been for the intervention of a male friend (also a CRGS student) he would have continued to sexually assault me. Meanwhile the CCHS attitude to anything like this being mentioned was pretty much "you asked for it with your behavior". But then CCHS has its own major issues to deal with.
#24: I stand in solidarity with every single thing you’ve written and all the girls who attended CRGS. As a former CCHS girl in the same year as the author, I remember clearly a lot of the instances mentioned in the article and how terrible the abuse was for girls attending CRGS. We were just relieved we weren’t at school with those boys - we got a break from it all in an all-female environment. Having said that, it was also horrific being a CCHS girl in the same orbit as CRGS boys.
For a long time I just thought all boys were meant to behave a certain way - to be unpleasant, misogynistic, rude and entitled, and dangerous if provoked. It took me well into university to realise that I didn’t have to prove my worth to men through putting up with their abuse or pretending to find it funny. It used to freak me out when I met a boy at university who wasn’t immediately horrible or sexist, I was just waiting for their true colours to show. I realise now how truly messed up that is.
During my school days, girls were treated by CRGS boys as expendable objects, often used, abused and then shamed. I can think of so many instances where no wasn’t taken as no, or girls were subjected to groping, gross & sexist comments or ‘banter’. I remember feeling sick when my mum asked if I wanted to apply to attend CRGS for sixth form. I couldn’t think of anything worse. I didn’t even bother going to the open evening - a decision I didn’t regret as one boy from CRGS made it his business to tell as many CCHS girls as possible that he would make their lives hell if we applied and ‘ruined the school’.
At CCHS we were always told we could do whatever we put our minds to - the world was our oyster if we worked hard enough. It always felt like at CRGS the boys were told they were the best who were entitled only to the best. I think that’s why some of this behaviour was SO vile, because they felt entitled to get away with it.
#25: When I was at the school (2015-17) an OC senior official made several highly misogynistic & derogatory comments about women to the rugby team whilst presenting an assembly to them (he was presenting the rugby team with an OC purchased kit ahead of their tour of Italy). One of the comments included telling the boys that Italian women were 'easy' meaning the boys 'should have fun'. When a complaint was made to the school (by my parents) not only was no action taken but this OC member was allowed to continue in his function + still speaks regularly at events to this day.
#26: In my year, a group of boys shared nude photographs of a girl which had been leaked onto her social media (non-consensually, it was an act of revenge porn). When this was reported to the school, the boys were simply asked to delete the chat - no safeguarding measures were followed and no punishment was given to the boys in question.
Instead, the girl and her friends who had helped reported it were made out to be at fault for making the boys in question cry/ reporting it to the school. In hindsight, and now with experience of safeguarding in a professional setting, the school seriously failed in their line of duty in terms of offering support + following the correct procedure considering the sharing of nude photographs (which is against the law).
#25: When I was at the school (2015-17) an OC senior official made several highly misogynistic & derogatory comments about women to the rugby team whilst presenting an assembly to them (he was presenting the rugby team with an OC purchased kit ahead of their tour of Italy). One of the comments included telling the boys that Italian women were 'easy' meaning the boys 'should have fun'. When a complaint was made to the school (by my parents) not only was no action taken but this OC member was allowed to continue in his function + still speaks regularly at events to this day.
#26: In my year, a group of boys shared nude photographs of a girl which had been leaked onto her social media (non-consensually, it was an act of revenge porn). When this was reported to the school, the boys were simply asked to delete the chat - no safeguarding measures were followed and no punishment was given to the boys in question.
Instead, the girl and her friends who had helped reported it were made out to be at fault for making the boys in question cry/ reporting it to the school. In hindsight, and now with experience of safeguarding in a professional setting, the school seriously failed in their line of duty in terms of offering support + following the correct procedure considering the sharing of nude photographs (which is against the law).
#27: I was sexually assaulted by a peer at a party despite saying I did not want to have sex. At school, he went round bragging we had slept together. This resulted in my feeling uncomfortable for months at school having to withstand 'banter'. I ended up developing anxiety and a panic disorder.
#28: Within my year it was well known that a group of boys would “exchange” explicit, naked pictures of their girlfriends or ex girlfriends with each other. Alongside this there were constant homophobic and sexist comments.
In one of my classes I was the only girl in a class of about 20 and the teacher was also male, this lead to many sexist remarks (“women belong in the kitchen”, “go make me a sandwich”, “women don’t deserve to be paid an equal wage” etc.) going under the radar and sometimes the teacher would join in on the “banter”.
#29: I was sexually assaulted by a boy at CRGS. He forced me into sexual acts which I didn't want to do, and made me feel bad for not wanting to. He also had a list on his phone of all the girls he had gotten with, and ranked them from best to worst (including how attractive he found them). He boasted about how many he had. After I told him what he had done, he apologised, but it was fake, and definitely was only done to save face. A few months later, I had opened up to a few of my friends who knew him, and they laughed, made horrific comments about it, and just made me feel like an idiot.
Looking back now, I know I should have spoken up, but from the abuse I received, as well as how complicit his friends were in covering up the abuse they did to girls like me, I didn't. Many of his friends have been accused of sexual assaults, but there has been no consequences. Instead, they're all boasting being at the best universities in the country, as well as being presidents of university societies. All the girls involved were either bullied into a corner, or made to feel like it was their fault (they were drunk, or that they actually weren't assaulted but rather they 'regretted' what they did".
For many of the boys, it seemed the more shocking your words and opinions, the bigger of a man you were. These issues bled into surrounding schools, causing a lot of toxicity. It is important to note (as has been in previous posts) that the manipulative/aggressive behaviour that CRGS breeds does not end after graduation from high school/sixth form. *Certain boys* remain incredibly toxic, and much of that comes from CRGS ignoring, and sometimes enabling, the behaviours.
#31: The teachers refuse to let us talk about subjects such a rape/assault in school clubs and they’re actively silencing us on this matter and i quote ‘don’t regard it as a feminist issue’. i have definitely felt vulnerable and oppressed in the school environment because i’m a girl, and i see that in the treatment teachers give my male friends in comparison to me.
I’ve heard boys ranking the girls in my year and talking about who they would most like to have sex with and it disgusts me and makes me so uncomfortable. the OC and the male-dominated teaching staff all just feels so patriarchal and it’s something that I’m constantly aware of.
In a split second I was made to evaluate every aspect and inch of my 16/17-year-old self in a negative way and the feeling of shame and embarrassment knowing it was circulating around the year at both schools was mortifying.
2. It was openly stated that the uniform policy for girls was for the sole purpose of reducing boys’ temptation but the boys were never taught how to respect/not hypersexualise women. Girls were told to cover up inoffensive areas such as their shoulders, arms and knees. There was a common threat that the girls who breached skirt rules would be taken shopping; This was an empty threat which just put all the onus on the young girls to reach this arbitrary standard when in reality I would have loved to take a certain teacher to Marks and Spencer’s and demonstrate that a skirt that was long enough to reach my knees and also fit my waist did not exist (thanks to my height). On one occasion another female student and I were taken to a male teacher’s office and told that we should not mind having to wear ill-fitting clothing to be suitably modest because we had “a nice shape” (with a matching hand gesture illustrating a curvy woman).
3. When the girls join the sixth form it is openly discussed how the new girls rank in terms of looks and who has the best bum.
4. Being a feminist was a commonly used insult.
5. Teachers joined in with the ‘lad banter’ and thought jokes at the expense of the girls were funny. Any upset or attempt to call out such banter was countered with mocking about how you couldn’t take a joke. (CRGS)
#34: Current CRGS pupil here - within my first week in year 12 last year the girls were told to stay behind after an assembly and told to keep our uniform appropriate as to not distract the male student population in all years. We were told we were responsible for their actions and it was our job to keep our uniform in check, not in order to stay in line with a uniform policy, but in order to stay safe from harassment from the boys. The boys were not given any talk on the matter. Small microaggressions like this are rife to this day
#35: Last year my form tutor told us that pretty girls don’t get taken seriously in the real world. she also sent all the girls down to school photos early so we could do our makeup, and implied that wearing short skirts was unfair on men because it means they couldn’t help looking up them on the stairs.
#36: It's so sad how I could think of so many examples to submit: the ranking of girls, the degrading nicknames for every girl in the year, the use of the r slur, the intimate photos of girls that were circulated online, the dares to grab a girl’s ass, the “points systems” they created to see who could “get the most action”...
#38: I had a really wonderful time at CRGS, but I do agree that rape culture was an issue at the school, that I didn't even really recognise at the time. In my free periods in the library, I would sit with a few of the 6th form boys and they made a game of throwing balled up paper down my top. This happened every week for about a year. In a desperate desire to be accepted I went along with it and laughed with them.
#39: XXXX (leaver 2020) loved hurling racist anti-Chinese slurs at me whenever I would get on his bus. So many people on this bus and yet no one would say a word against him. All of that group was so fucking toxic and racist. This is the only guy I have a real memory of though because he was just so vulgar. He would try to get me to get off the bus because I was chinese, he would call me chinky etc. etc. Made getting on a literal fucking bus so stressful and terrifying.
#32: A CCHSer here. One time at lunch I received a notification that I had been tagged in a photo on Facebook by one of the boys from CRGS. A photo had been uploaded of a rankings table. On one side was “Girl 1, Girl 2, Girl 3” up to Girl 10. On the top were features such as “face, legs, bum, boobs, personality, attractiveness” and many others that are even more inappropriate to mention. Each girl had a rating 1-10 for each “feature” (1 being lowest 10 being highest) and us 10 girls had been asked in the photo title to figure out who was who.
#33:
1. I was told that a CRGS boy thought I was ‘rapeable’ (presumably meant as a compliment) and separately that some boys wanted to rape me to punish my ex-boyfriend. 2. It was openly stated that the uniform policy for girls was for the sole purpose of reducing boys’ temptation but the boys were never taught how to respect/not hypersexualise women. Girls were told to cover up inoffensive areas such as their shoulders, arms and knees. There was a common threat that the girls who breached skirt rules would be taken shopping; This was an empty threat which just put all the onus on the young girls to reach this arbitrary standard when in reality I would have loved to take a certain teacher to Marks and Spencer’s and demonstrate that a skirt that was long enough to reach my knees and also fit my waist did not exist (thanks to my height). On one occasion another female student and I were taken to a male teacher’s office and told that we should not mind having to wear ill-fitting clothing to be suitably modest because we had “a nice shape” (with a matching hand gesture illustrating a curvy woman).
3. When the girls join the sixth form it is openly discussed how the new girls rank in terms of looks and who has the best bum.
4. Being a feminist was a commonly used insult.
5. Teachers joined in with the ‘lad banter’ and thought jokes at the expense of the girls were funny. Any upset or attempt to call out such banter was countered with mocking about how you couldn’t take a joke. (CRGS)
#37: A lot of my friends and I on one Friday painted our nails with the girls for just a bit of fun. We all got them done in the common room and didn’t really think anything of it. The response from some of the other guys were shocking. Nothing was said to me personally but I’d heard phrases like “we should have never let girls into this school” - “this is what happens when girls are let loose” - “what the f*** is wrong with the guys, are they tapped” just casually being passed around. Albeit by a small group of boys but nonetheless. Some girls that I was with at the time were visibly shocked and uncomfortable. We were of course offended as well but on a less personal level (at least in my case)
I remember being in the 6th form common room and the popular boys were sat discussing the body of one of the girls (who wasn't there) and congratulating the guy that had started seeing her because of her 'nice pins'.
In the end, I was sexually assaulted by the guy I was seeing (who I immediately broke up with afterwards), right after we had left the school. Throughout my time at the school he continually forced me into sexual situations that I did not feel comfortable in, but it was made clear that if I did not perform, he would find someone else who would. I'm pretty sure the entire year group knew what was going on, and I did have a couple of people reach out to me (fellow students) to check that I was okay and encourage me to leave him. We even had teachers walk in on us in intimate situations in classrooms - they apologised and walked out again!
I'm not sure he ever realised that what he was doing was wrong (not that I was completely innocent either) but I really wish there had been classes on consent at the start of term. Many of these boys had little to no exposure to girls before 6th form, I had one guy borderline stalk me for the first term because I was kind to him, so he became obsessed with me. The first few months felt like a feeding frenzy, honestly. With 5 boys to every 1 girl, it was very intimidating and we had to do everything we could to fit in and be accepted by these boys.
#40: I'm male & from CRGS. Like you, I did not come from the CRGS secondary and instead came from a regular state-run school. As I am a guy, I can't give any direct anecdotes but I can share what I've seen as a witness.
CRGS was a culture shock. We came from regular schools to this grammar school searching for a better education, as one would, and had a slight awareness of the so-called "lad" culture at CRGS. What we ended up seeing over those two years was a clear divide between lads that dehumanise women, a minority of women that encourage them, a group of people silent to the issue (until now, myself included) and the victims. I recall being told by a close lady friend that she was told that new girls at CRGS were ranked, sorted and "chosen" by existing students at CRGS. They were picked out like a hunter tracks their prey.
Only then did I really start to realise how awful the environment is. Girls nudging you to move with your friendgroup elsewhere because a certain group of boys would enter the commonspace. A general feeling of paranoia amongst girls. Over all of those, however, I noticed most the silence. No one wanted to speak up.
Lad culture is a euphemism for rapey school boys that never matured past 14. They are a product of a system designed to spit out robotic networkers and alumni to feed the ego of the school collective. Truly, I have never met boys with a more warped concept of masculinity and inflated ego. If I knew how bad CRGS really would've been (sexism is one of many massive issues) I never would've attended. This is not an experience unique to my friends at CRGS. It is almost every girl there as far as I can tell and things need to face radical action.
There are also members of the OC, as you have mentioned, in senior roles that represent the entire organisation that happen to be incredibly sexist, bigoted, homophobic, etc. I'd say they represent some fundamental ethics of the Old Colcestrians pretty well. What a laughable collection of Victorian-era specimens.
#41: I went to CCHS, and then the Sixth Form College. There were CRGS boys on the bus, which was where I had the most contact with them other than my partner, given that I wasn't cool enough to be invited to parties. They'd occasionally spout some sexist nonsense, and I heard through the gossip mill about stuff happening at parties - I remember the phrase "I was black-out drunk but I was told it was only my boyfriend so that's fine". I had the luck to avoid most of that, although during the summer holiday between yr 11 and 6th form I VERY BRIEFLY dated a guy from CRGS. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. He was the most entitled motherf****** I have ever had the displeasure of being smirked at by, and to this day I think the only reason we ended up dating was that he had the most gorgeous swooshy hair. I was already openly queer and reasonably loud about it by that point, so you can imagine how well that ended.#42: One boy lied about me performing a sexual act on him at a party. I was only made aware when a family friend asked me about it. It was humiliating and the boy never apologised for lying. Other boys would regularly comment on my appearance making me feel inferior because I was not in their view as attractive as a small group of 10 girls from Cchs. That group at Cchs made a lot of peoples lives hell as well, but that is a separate issue.
There were nudes of at least 3 girls from my year sent round Cchs and crgs. I cannot imagine how those girls felt, although I know some retaliated by sending the nudes of the boys round. Neither behaviour was acceptable, but there was no action from teachers at Cchs either. Girls were regularly called frigid if you rejected a boys advances or just didn’t participate in underage sexual activities. There was a lot of pressure to lose your virginity otherwise you were seen as an outcast. We were made aware about all of the new girls who went to crgs who weren’t from Cchs. Regularly the boys would brag about their sexual experiences with the girls and rate them. They would talk about passing certain girls around the group.
#43: I chose not to attend 6th form at CRGS because I had heard such horror stories from other girls from CCHS who went there. I heard girls were constantly judged on their appearance, ranked in order of their appearance, and categorised as either hot, in which case they were inevitably a "slut", or ugly, in which case they were a "dyke". It struck me that the boys were actually terrified of women, had not learnt how to speak to or engage with women, so were instead reducing and essentialising women based on their appearance.
I also saw the negative impact of this culture on the boys. More sensitive or alternative kids appeared to be under a lot of pressure to conform and mocked for their positive relationships with girls. There seemed to be a constant, toxic atmosphere of competition, and the need to avoid showing any weakness. I think this culture is inherently linked to the sexism and misogyny that many experienced.
#44: My daughter attended CRGS 6th form, she was told she could not wear Dr Martens shoes as they were not suitable office attire. She then gathered together as many boys as she could that were wearing them and the teacher backed down
#45: I was sexually assaulted when I was asleep.
#46: I’m pleased that Scarlett has written this article to outline the horrific behaviours of some of these boys. And I’m grateful that she has given us a platform to anonymously share our experiences.
As a former CCHS student, I have also been witness to and victim of a number of the issues discussed in both the article and the further comments. From year 7 we were rated by the boys on attractiveness and the “cool” boys would only talk to the “attractive” girls at school discos and at the bus stop. From the age of 11 we were made to feel that we had to look good to speak to boys (as if speaking to males was the only goal in life). This continued throughout our school lives, constantly being compared and rated on how we looked and behaved sexually.
Because of this, all I wanted was for boys to like me, so I laughed at their jokes and went along with their games, without realising the impact this would have on other people, and eventually myself. I became part of the problem and I look back on these instances with deep regret. The behaviours were normalised within the circles we socialised, and it took me a long time to recognise that it was not ok to act that way.
In year 9 I remember falling asleep at a party and waking up to a CRGS boy’s hand in my bra, but we all laughed and joked about it. Only yesterday, I realised that was a form of sexual assault.
Not only did the behaviour of these individuals worsen our mental health (anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD), but it has impacted how we view relationships. A warped view of sex has influenced my life since school. The idea of “owing” someone sex because you flirted with them, even if you don’t want to. The thought that if you don’t have sex with someone they will either force you into it or spread rumours about you, so it feels easier to do it anyway. This is how we were treated by some CRGS boys. Awful acts of sexual harassment/abuse/violence that are facilitated by the deep rooted rape culture that exists at the school.
#47: There was a male student who was part of our friendship group, but was never particularly welcome. He was rude, arrogant and shockingly misogynistic. For example, he’d sit in the booths in the sixth form common room with his legs deliberately far apart to say, “I just want to piss off the feminists.”, and he would also blame all of his problems (which was essentially sexual frustration) on women not wanting to date him. He was interested in me for a time (especially after finding out I was bisexual, something he thought was ‘sexy’) but i made it very clear i wasn’t interested in him. Mainly due to his awful behaviour, but also because I had a boyfriend. He would often try and intimidate my boyfriend whenever they met. It wasn’t just me he was interested in however, and he would be very open about it.
At a party once, he was sitting next to a girl who he hadn’t met prior to that night. She got up to get a drink, and he grabbed her bum and really squeezed. It was horrible. When a female friend of mine (not from CRGS) confronted him about his behaviour towards women at a different party, he threw a glass bottle at her head.
However, he came back for me once. At our leavers' dinner at the end of year 13, we had dinner at CRGS then a club had been booked for us to go to. Admittedly it was a huge amount of fun until the end. I went outside to get some fresh air, and I was very drunk. The guy came out with me and lit a cigarette. I was taking off my shoes as my feet hurt, and when I stood up he was right in front of me. He said, “I’m sorry but I have to do this.” and he grabbed my face, kissed me and blew smoke in my mouth and down my throat. I couldn’t pull away as he was holding my face, and I didn’t smoke. I was not ‘asking for it’ and I did not consent. When he let go, I bolted, running barefoot through Colchester at 2am to get away from him.
#48: I was a CCHS student who moved to CRGS for sixth form. I knew how lucky I was (the majority of my friends got rejected) so I was beyond excited to be going there. I had always heard stories of the repulsive ways the CRGS boys would act at parties, the severe problems with homophobia and racism, the incidents with revenge porn and leaking photos (the list goes on), but it wasn’t until a close friend of mine sat me down, just two weeks before I began my time at CRGS, and told me she had turned down her CRGS offer due to the reputation of rape culture, and told me I should do the same.
While her decision shocked me and made me incredibly anxious, I still chose to go there. There is no denying that I loved my time at CRGS. But the truth is, while I was there I became blind to the problems. In fear of being labelled as someone who can’t take a joke, I often went along with their banter and their jokes, trying to persuade myself that that was all it was, just a silly little joke. Even when a guy at a party forced his hands up my skirt despite me telling him no, even when my ass was grabbed in the middle of the common room, even when I had heard the “women belong in the kitchen” line countless times - I laughed it off. This article has been the first time that I’ve really been able to reflect on my time at CRGS, I hope the teachers take it seriously and are able to make some serious changes.
#49: The boys used to play this game 'tell her', where if they said something really horrible about a girl, and one of the boys said 'tell her' before they could say 'safety' - they'd have to either tell the girl the really mean or sexual thing they said or get punched as hard as they could on the arm by a group of boys.
They used to come up and tell us that we looked really fat, or that they hated us or that we looked like we were desperate for a shag, or any other mean thing they'd said in private.
Similarly, they also played 'back yourself' where if you said something bold, you'd have to do it unless you said "safety" in time. Like, "oh yeah, I could totally f*** that girl" - and if you didn't do it, again, they'd get to punch you. Most of the time it was stupid stuff like "I could definitely fit into that parking space" and they'd just spend 2 hours trying to parallel park into an impossibly small space... but sometimes, it was way more dangerous/ stupid/ criminal.
#50: I have personally found that although the deep-rooted issue is still ultimately there, in my year group us girls were hugely supportive of each other and did stand up to sexism and misogyny when any of us experienced it.
A certain prominent member of the OCs was forced to issue a formal apology to all of the girls following an assembly that featured comments we were very unhappy with. We also had an amazing school captain and head girl who were quick to call out any issues and resolve them. I have attended quite a few OCs events and have made a conscious effort to speak to committee members regarding lack of equality. One past president (maybe 2018?) was actually really passionate about the issue but essentially was too outnumbered to change anything on his own. All in all I found the current staff and a number of the OCs committee members very receptive and keen to implement change but almost at a loss where to start. I personally loved my time at CRGS but fully appreciate that not everyone did.
#52: I feel as though boys at this school lack an understanding of socially acceptable behaviour. Since coming to CRGS, I have had my genitalia described to me in a disgusting manner, I have seen penis drawings and naked men all against my consent, I have seen fellow female students been barked at in class.
I have heard horrible stories from female peers and have accompanied them multiple times to escape certain boys or uncomfortable situations. One girl was even told by a boy that '[he] would rape her' seemingly as a compliment. I myself have had my breasts and bottom commented on by different male peers, adding to my point that many, many boys at this school do not understand how to behave acceptably.
Consistently teachers ignore female students in the class, particularly in physics as it is more male-dominated, addressing us all as 'gents' or 'boys', out of habit, I understand, but it adds to the erasure of our presence in classes and should be taken seriously.
Another aspect of the problem that doesn't get as much attention is male teachers picking boys in the class to answer harder questions, and going noticeably easier on girls in class. This again undercuts our presence in the classroom as equal individuals, despite consistently gaining equivalent marks as our male peers.
I understand not every teacher exhibits these behaviours, one physics teachers was committed to referring to us as 'folks' to be inclusive of all protected characteristics and he even defended me in class once, signalling that I deserved more respect, using my highest ranking test score to gain me that.
Before coming to CRGS, I was at the girls' school (CCHS) where, due to the proximity of location, I did interact with CRGS boys prior to coming to the school, and I consistently found them to be arrogant and crude, adding to the lack of understanding of proper social behaviour. In fact, I was warned by ex-CRGS girls to never involve myself romantically with CRGS boys as they are entitled and arrogant. While I have found this statement to be true of many boys since coming to this school as a 2019 entrant, I have also found a few boys who are supportive of their female peers and call themselves feminists. This was a surprise to me but what was no surprise was how some of these boys were seemingly separated socially from the rest as though there were two cliques at CRGS. One boy even went so far to compliment me saying his mother had dropped out of physics at university because she was one of the only women there, but he was impressed I had stayed.
I am sure most, if not all, of the girls in this school have had sexist experiences and comments contributing to rape culture, even if they can't recognise them as such, even from boys that supposedly call themselves 'feminists', due to the distortion present in this school, as though social life is shifted towards the more sexist end of the spectrum. I would be afraid that these boys are in for a crude awakening when they enter the workplace, but alas the society we live in might end up encouraging them after all.
Personally, I don't associate with most, if not any, boys at this school, so my examples have been around the classroom and general social settings, but I can guarantee some horrible stuff will be coming out in this form from other informants.
#53: I am one of many who had rumours spread about them. It was a matter of time at CCHS before a boy had spread around that he had slept with you and you hadn’t. You were branded a “slut” and he was branded a “lad”. These rumours stuck for so many years.
#54: I have heard conversations disregarding the recent 97% statistic for a woman being sexually harassed between the ages 18-24 and other topics that aren't appropriate for a classroom.
#55: Although I go to CCHSG I have heard countless stories about the sexist behaviour of the boys at CRGS. There is one boy in my year who I know has sexually assaulted at least 4 people and he still hasn’t been held accountable. The culture of misogyny and homophobia at that school is disgusting and I know that often girls are put in a position where they feel they can’t speak up about this sexism.
#56: As a student at CCHS I frequently felt humiliated and slut-shamed by males at CRGS for the littlest of things. The unnecessary catcalling and sexual harassment I experienced and witnessed with my classmates was unbelievably disrespectful and degrading.
The horror stories from parties are unthinkable, yet they happened far too frequently and to know what these males are capable of with little to no consequence disgusts me. I experienced this over 10 years ago and to read these comments and to know it is still happening just shows the utmost importance of a need for change.
#57: I had a best friend at CRGS who I adore to this day. There was a really unflattering photo of myself where I looked drunk at a party and another boy at CRGS posted it for my best friends birthday. I was so upset and messaged the boy to take the picture down but he refused. My best friend deleted the pic off his timeline as of which the boy posted it again and messaged me saying if I even ‘dared’ to ask my best mate to take it down, he would post it on his Facebook and tag my brother in it. I felt so helpless and upset and that’s just one example of many incidents. It’s the elitism they’re fed that makes them think they’re untouchable.
#58: I am not a CRGS student, but as I went to school in the area I have had several experiences with both current and ex CRGS students. A notable experience was when one ex-student coerced me into letting him perform sexual acts on me (whilst I was drunk), and after I made an excuse and left the room, he stalked me around the house in which the party was being held and would not stop until I resumed sexual acts with him. I spent most of my night hiding from this individual, and when the time came to go to sleep (we were both staying over) he groped me and kept pulling on my leg for my attention. In the end, some of my male friends had to force him to leave as I was quite scared and unable to move.
I am not trying to take anything away from this article’s message and I do believe gender inequality is a massive issue in our school and wider society. I don’t want my statement to be taken the wrong way or just be gaslighted and called a ‘trash male’ for example. Neither am I asking for any sympathy for what I have gone through, I just wanted to share my story.
#61: I had a couple of longterm romantic/sexual relationships with boys from CRGS: one relationship was mostly characterised by shame (in that he didn't interact with me in school but would happily make out as long as no-one saw us together). He would force me to perform oral sex even when I was choking and crying. I also dated someone who was older and popular. When he found out I wasn't a virgin he told me he was ashamed of me and acted like I was a slut.
At my first CRGS party, one boy forced himself on me when drunk and I had to leave. Everyone kept making fun of me for getting with him and didn't listen to me when I said HE had kissed ME.
None of this is that big a deal. My friend was raped by a CRGS boy, who had a reputation for sleeping around. Everyone knew he was like that, but he was treated like he was cool for it.
Really the problem was the general undercurrent of sneering. I was friends with the 'nice' guys - who had been unpopular, who were nerdier, who were not the cool 'jocks', blah blah blah. But there was this level of disinterest in us or things we were interested in - that it was inherently less valuable. I felt uncool and unattractive at CRGS in a way I have not before or since. I started self harming in sixth form.
#62: I’m not a student at CRGS but I did go to the girls school CCHS until year 11 in 2019 and had many interactions with the boys. I very distinctly remember one of the boys ‘classifying’ the girls into two categories along the lines of: ugly and anorexic or massive elephants. This was probably in year 9, where I fit the elephant category and struggling with body issues this is still something I still reflect on as someone who now struggles with disordered eating.
We were told to stop overreacting or being such a girl, and learn to take a joke when we pointed out comments talking about raping a girl were obviously not compliments. As someone who grew up in an abusive household when I was younger and experienced abuse from my father, hearing constantly how abuse and harassment were no big deal and your own fault made my already rocky mental health become that much more volatile and damaging to my own physical well-being.
Obviously, issues such as these are not at the fault of anyone directly but the culture of CRGS that allows these comments to be made persistently and offhandedly can be quite damaging, especially when expressing your disagreement you are shamed and belittled.
#65: As a male and once very close friend of these students, I can give a first-hand account as to what male alumni have openly admitted. I left in 201X. One student was discussing one of his ex-girlfriends with another boy who was interested in her, claiming she’s a “needy bitch” and he should just “fuck her and move on”. I recorded this conversation. This boy went onto become the School Captain. Another male student was dating a female student during Year 12, which involved them distributing nude photos.
After they broke up, the male student distributed child porn throughout the school and on social media. When this was reported, Mr Russell (headmaster) and Mr Harvey (head of sixth form) ruled they should not get involved as “the damage is done” and getting involved may make the female student look like a “tattle-tale”. This boy went onto become a Senior Prefect. As all the female students and alumni have stated, there is a "lads culture" at the school that the staff contribute to a great deal. They're more concerned about protecting the rapists in the rugby team than the students who are being abused in front of their eyes.
#66: I’m currently at the school and honestly the list of things i have, or the girls around me have experienced is too long. In the first couple of weeks of being at the school there had already been two major experiences. I had a boy come up to me telling me that his friend wants to kiss a particular boy because that would mean he would second handedly have had a sexual experience with me. His friend told me that saying he agreed and thought I should have found it funny. I didn’t really find it funny.
Also in the first few weeks of the first term, us girls found out about a ranking system the boys had for the new girls. Ranking us all from how much they’d like to have sex with us or found us attractive and if they found a girl particularly unattractive they would rank in negative numbers. The girls who ranked near the top were given the code name of a ‘Guerney Benham’ (named after the school building) and even though us girls knew how weird and wrong it was, we all still felt bad if no one called us that and it 100% had an effect on your popularity and which parties you got invited to. (really hope I’ve got the details right about this but there was definitely a ranking system or some sort and a code name).
In the term and a half we had at school before lockdown I had heard of two instances of non consensual sex at parties (although I wasn’t close friends with them so I’m not 100% sure on the details) both of whom I heard were drunk or unconscious at the time. Neither, that I know of, have spoken out to anyone about it other than friends.
Another time I was standing next to a boy as we were walking to our next lesson and he saw a girl and said she had a nice a*se and wanted to f**k her so badly. This beautiful girl was just wearing her uniform which was in the school dress code, trying to walk to her next lesson.
Rape jokes are also commonplace and some of the boys regularly laugh at getting girls drunk or spiking them when they’re eventually allowed to go out. It’s hard to speak up about it, especially being a girl as you feel as though it’s their school and you’re just here for sixth form and you ’can’t take a joke’. This is especially true for everyday sexist jokes; me and quite a few others have had the same experience of trying to talk within a group of boys and being told to ‘go make them a sandwich’ or just generally being shut down and although I know it’s a joke, it’s still quite intimidating if you’re new at the school and just trying to make some friends.
I hate having to talk about this because I love the school so much and don’t want to feel as though I’m complaining I’m just sharing my experiences. So many of the boys are wonderful and amazing it’s just a shame that a number of them can make the girls at our school feel so insecure and uncomfortable when we’re just there to learn.
As for my personal experiences of misogyny at the school, just last year the 'lads' decided it was appropriate to bark at female students as they entered the common room. A friend of mine was taunted and bullied by a large group of 'lads' (when it was none of their business) for wanting to take things slow in a new relationship.
Certain teachers have made very sexist remarks: the odd joke about girls being more organised etc is acceptable, but in one of my classes where there are only 4 girls to 13 boys, the teacher should not be singling out the female students for 'gossiping' when many of the boys in the class were also talking, or asking the female opinion on topics when it just isn't necessary (like we cannot possibly think in the same way as men). The number of times I have sat in this particular classroom stunned and shocked by the things that certain teachers and pupils have said is jaw-dropping. I can't think of too many examples, but there was a time when I was presenting something on maternity leave rights and female employment, and the teacher tried to start a debate on if it is right for women to have extended leave or to go back to work after having kids. Perhaps this is an acceptable topic for debate (even though I would assume that the opinion on this topic would be unanimously for these rights and positive about a rise in female employment after children), but I felt so uncomfortable as one of the only girls in the class trying to oppose this teacher's views when he clearly thought I was wrong.
Whilst I may not have experienced rape culture first-hand, I have been made to feel very uncomfortable at times. But I think the main problem is how quickly I accepted the sexist way of life at crgs. I came from a mixed comprehensive and was expecting some sort of lad/rugby culture - the sort of thing that crgs is known for. But considering how desperate I felt to make friends and fit in at this new school, I let all the jokes and inappropriate staring continue because I didn't have the confidence to stand up for myself. That is the scariest thing of all.
For instance, when I came to CRGS, I appeared in an assembly that was repeated across the entire school, meaning I was seen by every year group. My brother is in the lower school, and told me that after I did it, he had people in his year making sexual comments about my appearance, attractiveness, and saying things to him using these comments as an insult to him, as if his sister is like a playing field for 16 year old boys to one-up each other on. I cannot stand "jokes" that are designed to make sport of a woman's apparent inherent sexuality. I am so sick of hearing it and I can't say I've ever seen the school take action against it. Comments have been made among boys in the lower school to my brother more than once making fun of him because of the things they would do to me. This level of entitlement and disrespect is in no way challenged by this school.
And like many others who have written on here, I have also been approached at parties and touched without my consent. What I really want people to understand is that growing up with rape culture and sexism even bred into your family makes any unwanted advances really scary. A boy at a party came up to me and danced with me, fine, when I started to turn away, he put his hands on my waist to make me come back, scary, and when I do then leave, I go sit next to a friend of mine who made me feel safe, but he comes over and sits right up against me and put his arm around my neck. He was drunk and I was terrified. Even in a room full of people, you'd be surprised how vulnerable you can feel. I ran outside as soon as I could get away from him and his in the dark frantically calling my friend and asking her what to do because I was afraid that he would keep trying to get close to me.
My stories are perhaps lesser, but very normal where I don't think they should be. The same issues around "jokes" and "lad culture" go for other prevalent issues as well. The number of times people throw around "gay" as an insult on an average day is just a small example. For the most part, I have loved my time at CRGS, but there is work to be done.
#70: I am not a former student of CRGS but of CCHSG, the girl's grammar school that neighbours CRGS. I have been subject to endless sexualisation by the boys of that school, on the bus, at parties. It was a never-ending cycle of misogyny and belittlement when I addressed how worthless they made me feel. Comments on my breasts, how they’re “so big,” and they'd love to do drugs on my breast. There have been bets on who would “fuck” me first. I won't even get started on the homophobia and racism in that school. It's like a 1930’s changing room. That school has allowed these things to occur because they encourage it. They let this culture take place if it means they score the best places in university and life. It was a relief reading this article.
#71: Sexism and misogyny isn’t the only issue. Let’s talk about racism at the school. The school BREEDS white supremacy. Boys turning up to parties in BLACKFACE. Comments were made on a regular basis about black people in a derogatory way without any repercussions. The same people would say things like “I’m glad I’m not black”, “why is there a floating pair of eyes in that picture.” They would excuse this as “racial banter” Racism was and still probably is very much allowed.
When I was there, a Model United Nations society meeting was ruined by a 'coalition' of about 20 boys who presented a resolution to legalise rape. Most of the girls left the room, and after that it was mainly the boys who got to benefit from all the amazing opportunities that MUN brought. That was only 4 years ago - and I doubt much has changed since!
An infamous assembly led by the OC's involved the OC leader singling out the international students, especially the boarders from Hong Kong, and patronisingly asking them if they spoke English.
#73: I was at a party and a CRGS student kept giving me drink. I became drunk very quickly and a lot of the rest of the night is incredibly blurry. I remember being taken away from the party and the next thing I remember is him fingering me. I kept going in and out of consciousness so I can’t remember many details but I vividly remember saying no and asking for him to stop.
The next day at school I walked into class to it being discussed and how he had told everyone. The idea that he was able to brag about ‘getting with me’ and make out that it was completely reasonable behaviour made me so angry. I decided to tell anyone who asked me the truth of how I could barely remember anything because of how intoxicated I was but I remember saying no. I found out from gossip that the guy who had seen us leaving said he saw him with his trousers undone - I still to this day don’t know why or what else happened and if I’m honest I don’t want to know.
If I had known the response I would later receive I would have never said anything. I hate to admit that but it made my whole experience at CRGS unbearable.
I can only describe one groups response as bullying. They would talk about me constantly during lessons and laugh about what I was saying and everything about me. I also became aware of an Instagram post essentially admitting that it was assault but joking about it calling what happened as ‘7 minutes of unconscious heaven’.
I was shown messages where it was being discussed and the part where I said no was referenced as ‘the interesting part of the story’.
After all of this I decided that if I wanted an ‘easy’ rest of my time I would simply leave it alone and never say anything else about it. He assaulted three more people (that I know of) - I genuinely don’t know if this would have been prevented with me speaking out to the school or even higher up but by saying something on this platform I really hope changes can be made.
#74: My daughter attended CRGS 5 years ago, she came in with 13 A* confident, outgoing, wonderfully funny and left with extreme anxiety, feeling "less than" because of all the misogyny, having "not been allowed" to apply Oxbridge because her tutor would not give her the predicted grade needed, as she didn't fit into his to date 100% correct prediction table he'd been keeping since the year dot (he was wrong when the results came out). The same tutor was also incredibly patronising to me when we attended for an opening evening prior to her going, but I foolishly shrugged it off.
During her time there the boys legalised rape as their offering to Model United Nations and not one teacher made comment or took action. I recommend strongly to anyone I know that they do not send their daughters to CRGS and will continue to do so until change is happening in a very clear way.
#75: When I arrived at the sixth form in 2012 I had this really weird, unwanted attention from a boy in the year above. At first I was flattered, but I couldn't understand why he was asking me out and repeatedly refused to go out with him. I found out a couple of weeks later that a group of boys had somehow got access to the photos we had submitted alongside our application to the sixth form, and from those photos, they had selected a girl each with whom they would try and have sex with before Christmas. I was only 16 and had come from an all girls school - I didn't know whether to feel flattered or disgusted.
What was worse was that when I mentioned this to the boys that were in my form and were my friends, they just blew it off and didn't see it as an issue at all. It got to a point where I hated going to the common room and would avoid eating there, because this boy would shout my name and call attention to how good-looking I was, but in a very demeaning and embarrassing way. I never told any teachers because I just didn't feel like any of them would listen. Now I wish I had mentioned something!
#76: I was raped by a CRGS pupil on the grounds of CRGS and currently suffer from PTSD as a result of the event. Reading all these submissions has been incredibly triggering but I hope they result in change for the future students of CCHS & CRGS.
#77: Throughout my time at CRGS, especially during years 8-12, I was subject to a constant campaign of both physical and emotional bullying by a group of boys in my year. I was physically attacked several times, and minimal consequences came about when I reported each instance of this. Perpetrators were essentially let off, and their abuse cycled back around to me. This ultimately destroyed my self-esteem and led to self-harm and severe anxiety that was a staple of my teenage years and still affects me years later. I also experienced first hand the horrific, toxic culture of normalised homophobia, 'casual' racism and misogyny that pervaded the school during my time there.
#78: I am currently in year 13 at CRGS and have countless stories about the sexism my friends and I experience day to day. As an XXX student, I often look at the female form and female subjects. This has lead to many unwanted comments from the male student in this class, who thinks my XXX is his permission to make sexual comments about my body. This same student has touched me on multiple occasions without my consent which makes me feel very uncomfortable in my class, especially following the comments he has made about me. This same student continuously makes rape jokes, thinking that it is a compliment to have a man rape you and saying people are too sensitive about it.
I am also aware that a group of boys created ranks of all the girls that joined in year 12. This was based on our attractiveness and many had 'dibs' on certain girls that they wanted to sleep with, before they had even spoken to these girls. These rankings also affected who was invited to parties.
I have heard many many jokes about women from the 'popular' group of guys. These range from 'get back in the kitchen' to using many slurs, including the r slur. Whenever I have called boys out on this, I have been labelled a 'man-hating feminazi' by both boys and girls. Boys have criticised their friends for dating a girl who isn't 'putting out' enough and saying they should just cheat if the girl isn't cooperating.
My intelligence is constantly being mocked by male peers. As I am going into a creative degree, I have been mocked for only having 'girl interests' and needing a husband to support me as I will never make it. They belittle my achievements and ignore the fact that the girls are just as intelligent as them. The same boys make jokes about my responses in class and I have often felt uncomfortable speaking in class as a woman.
Near the beginning of year 12, the girls were all given a talk about the length of our skirts. Apparently, we were distracting the boys from their education (the same education that we were missing by having an extra assembly). The boys received no talk about respect.
I am so glad that this article is getting attention. I agree with all of what was said and really hope that the school can make some serious changes and give future female students a better experience.
#79: I am currently a student at CRGS, who moved from CCHS and I’ve absolutely loved my time at the school, however this is no doubt that the ‘rape culture’ and toxic masculinity inbuilt into the students are still prevalent.
Similar to the ‘Guerney Bentham’ ratings mentioned previously, there is a football ranking system in which girls from crgs, cchs, sms and chs, my friends, are rated on these three factors: face, bum and chest size or front, back and midfield. Each girl discussed is given a ranking our of 10 and then assigned to a particular football player. For example, in what they would class as a 10/10 girl would be known as Messi. Sitting on the table at lunchtime having these names thrown about, you would not think anything of it. It must’ve been at least three lunchtime discussions when my friends and I clocked this system. When we challenged the degradation and immoral nature of this system, we were told repeatedly to “shut up”, “go back and clean” and the infamous phrase “did I ask”. Our opinions were instantly shut down and invalidated because apparently it’s none of our business...? After speaking to few boys who went to a co-Ed secondary, I was dutifully informed that this kind of discussion was absolutely NOT NORMAL amongst boys.
During a maths lesson, my friend got up to sit closer to the board and while doing so the boy behind her whispered indiscreetly to the person next to him “she’s got a massive bum”, which is audible to most people in the class.
Another repeated activity that the boys at CRGS seem to find funny is taking a pencil case or even our phones from our hands and demanding we call them “sir” before it is returned. Or even worse, being punched in the arm until bruised to get back said property, and this would continue after saying “no stop”. At first, to us girls who had minimal contact with boys, this seemed like playful banter but later realised how this is in no way playful and identifies that they do not know where the line ends.
Many of my friends have said no to their names being mentioned in the CRGS rugby instagram account, but against their wishes, their private matters are discussed on there.
I am saddened that such behaviour can foil how lovely and welcoming some of the other students are at CRGS. However, it is quite clear to establish when someone is “bantering” and when someone has crossed the line way too far. I do believe I’ve grown as thick of a skin as I can and turned a blind eye that one too many times. As we speak of these problems, some boys in my year believe “women are crying over nothing” and so, I rest my case.
#80: I didn’t personally attend CRGS, however I knew a lot of the boys that went to school there as I was at one of the schools on Lexden Road. One time one of the boys at CRGS had made up that he had done some sexual activities with me and by the next day everyone knew about this. He kept this lie up for around 3 years just because of ‘lad points’. Due to this for 3 years people were talking about me behind my back.
#81: I am currently at CRGS, and I learnt about the rankings within the first few months of starting. The boys at CRGS have little to no understanding of what should and shouldn’t be socially acceptable. A rape joke is funny and degrading girls is normal, but calling out these behaviours and being a feminist is wrong, snowflake behaviour and dramatic.
I have heard a guy suggest to another to “pump and dump” a girl and refer to her as “x’s sloppy seconds”and lots of the guys, when drunk, also say many unacceptable things but it is simply passed off as them ‘not thinking’. Many boys, and shockingly even a few girls, at this school have said they don’t associate with feminism because they feel it is man-hating, and some have also said they feel that equality has already been established, and some of those who have said this are potentially oxbridge students.
After learning of how the boys talk about us, my friend went to tell one of the senior members, however, I was too afraid to name who, and since then it was forgotten about. The teacher was not at all surprised that conversations like the ones reported take place which shocked me. I was invalidating how I felt because I was told I was being too sensitive so many times that at some points I actually had to clarify with my friends whether it was normal to be feeling so upset and if I was being dramatic or not. I used to be one of those girls who wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to instigate any arguments, even though it was blatantly wrong, but I managed to surround myself with an incredibly supportive friendship group, and as you can guess, we were called a group of feminazis. What really sums up some of the guys at this school is that their response to all of this is that it is a ‘bunch of waffle’.
I am so glad and relieved that this issue is being discussed to an extent that the school needs to respond.
#82: I attended CCHS 2007 - 2014. My first kiss at 12 was a CRGS boy who pinned me down and stuck his tongue down my throat because I was his 'girlfriend' so me saying no didn't count. I got chanted at and had objects thrown at me at a party until I left because an ex told the popular group we had been intimate and that I had pubes (god forbid) and this therefore made me a slag, while he was regarded a hero.
On a night where I found out a close friend had attempted suicide, a boy who I had invited to the party tried to force himself on me when I was crying as a means of 'comforting me'. The same boy invited me over to his house and assaulted me there - I said no over and over again, but this didn't matter because I had gone over. The boy then told all his friends how terrible I was in bed and spread rumours that I was a psycho who should be avoided and it became a joke every boy made when they saw me. Boys I was friends with told me in year 10 that if I didn't start putting out i would stop having friends because I needed to know my place, and told all our friendship group to tell me his opinion.
I know at least 2 CRGS boys from my cohort who raped girls in my year when they were unconscious at a party. I know multiple boys from my cohort who recorded girls in my year having sex at parties and circulated revenge porn in group chats because it was 'banter'. The boys in our year once rated 10 girls on every aspect of their bodies and made the chart anonymous, and uploaded it to Facebook and tagged them so they had to guess which one they were. A group of the 'popular' boys would rate the sex they had with girls based on how much they made them bleed. All of these situations and conversations happened at school and in social situations between the two schools.
#83: I left CRGS in 2020, and whilst I loved my time there, and it was amazing for me in many many ways, these are also things that happened:
- The notorious Mr Chart Boyles is trying to indoctrinate us with gay pride month incident
- Editors note: Not sure what this means? I'm hoping this user isn't against gay rights! But the use of 'incident' makes me think something happened?
- Head of sixth form asked me what society I ran, when I replied with 'feminism society' he said, oh so nothing proper then
- A boy sexually assaulted at least 3 of us. At a party he put his hands up my top and under my bra and squeezed my boobs repeatedly for a long time, I couldn't move , it was awful and I was terrified, lots of the boys saw it but did nothing. One of the other girls spoke up about it, in the first week of school, when no one knew their 'new' boy and she was bullied for it for the whole 2 years. I sat across from him in a class for 2 hours a week, he made sexist comments and denied the existence of misogny and we could do nothing. I joked about it to a teacher once, trying to get them to take it seriously, but they didn't care. We were terrified of what the other 'rugby boys' would do if we told anyone.
- The rugby initiations- horrifying and filmed to show everyone and anyone
- Regular sharing of girls nudes, which would then be blamed on the girls
- Younger boys shouting at you or grabbing you in the corridors, because they think that's what they should do.
- I was sexually assaulted at a train station, and the school were amazing at helping me report it to the police, but many of the boys made jokes like 'take it as a compliment', ' are you sure you didn't lead him on', 'I think the bruise brightens your face up' etc.
- Maths teacher talking in a degrading way about his wife and daughters opinions on feminism, say how they didn't know what they were talking about, to a class of 15 boys and 4 girls
- No recognition that while the education we receive may be amazing, the gender balance of the classes does harm girls when not handled well by teachers
- Image by some male teachers of 'hysterical' 'dramatic' and 'catty' girls every time we take issue with what a male student has done
- How some of the boys talk about female support staff is degrading and unbelievable
- SO many teachers just don't care about sexist behaviour in class and so don't call it out, boys see how far they can go and teachers always ignore, to the detriment of the girls.
- Another boy forcibly kissed me at a party and when I pushed him away, told me he would 'kill' me if I ever told anyone or his girlfriend found out
- I cannot count how many times ridiculous and sexist dress code comments were made. So much justification based on boys attention. Being told I was wearing improper make up when that's no where in the uniform code, being told my trousers were too tight, that trousers that showed ankles were inappropriate, that bright colours were distracting, that my clothes were too 'revealing' when wear a long skirt and jumper- basically if you had large boobs or bum and wore makeup you were automatically sexualised and persecuted for what you were wearing all the time, not based at all on the uniform code, but if you didn't fit these categorise then short skirts were fine.
- If you ever called anyone out you were an angry feminist, couldn't take a joke, all of that.
I remember being told off for having a summer shirt on that didn’t cover my shoulders, despite being from a work section of a clothing store and being a shirt my mother would where to work when I wasn’t wearing it. I also heard from a friend who’s parent was a teacher at my school, how they (the teacher) loved that they took girls in the sixth form as he liked looking at them, which made me very uncomfortable as I was taught by them, sat in the front row and would wear skirts, with those tables that did not have a front. I am also a larger chested woman, so finding shirts that didn’t gape or draw attention to my chest was hard work and I remember noticing people just looking at my chest.
Having joined the sixth form from a comprehensive state school, now in low 100 rankings I was excited to attend a school where the focus was on education. I was in for a culture shock, that many of the guys were less mature and more inappropriate than those I had left behind at my other school.
As you mentioned, girls had to achieve A*s or As in the subjects they wanted to take, and as someone how achieved 11 A/A*s I was expecting a similar level of dedication to studies from those who were from the school. I had not expected to be met with students laughing at how hard I had to work to get in, when they could scrape a B/C and keep their place. Certain of these students would make comments during class when I would be working hard trying to make sure I could keep my place I didn’t feel like I earned, about how they could not do any work for tests and still achieve higher than me as I just wasn’t good enough.
- Conversations about under what circumstances it's okay to beat your wife
- The first thing somebody replied to when a boy mentioned 'have you seen that statistic about how many girls have been sexually harassed', was for him to reply 'and we need to get it to 100%'.
- Being stood in the lunch queue while being repeatedly told by boys to go back to the kitchen, to go and make them a sandwich
- Conversations about whether anything exists that boys can't do better than girls.
- A list of the girls in the year ranked in the first weeks of term
- A conversation, in which girls were present, where each girl was assigned a number. this number was based on a code the boys had devised previously; it was a rating.
- A conversation about what percentage of girls fantasise about being raped; girls were asked whether they had this fantasy.
- A boy filmed a girl giving him head and then found it appropriate to send this to the boys group chat
- A boy whispering 'I'd rape you' to a girl, believing this to be a compliment.
- Sexual assault and harassment at parties, to the point where one girl had to be carried away by her friend while screaming at this boy to get away from her, because he simply would not stop. this boy was in the year above at the time
In conversations between my classmates about these issue, its obvious this atmosphere still exists. comments like 'they're crying over nothing', reiterate that this needs to be addressed.
At a party, a boy at crgs and a girl had hooked up together. The boy decided to film the girl giving him oral sex and proceeded to send it to his boys group chat which had around 12 of them in it. The fact that he could even think of filming a girl without her consent shows how little he views and respect women. Something that unfortunately was not surprising considering the way many boys speak about women at school .
The worst thing is that after a few days back at school, small remarks and jokes were made in regards to the incident as if it was a “normal” thing to do.
When questioned it was always the case that “it’s in the past“ and “nothing could be done now, implying we should move on and stop being appalled by the event that had happened. Telling a victim (and victims in general) of what is actually sexual assault how they should feel about their own experience is not only wildly invalidating and psychologically damaging, but also perpetuates the rape culture which bred this occurrence in the first place.
But it was also made worse by the complicity and inaction of people like me who felt it was safer to say nothing. I was never particularly cool or popular but I really identified with a comment made previously that what the girls had to say was considered inherently less valuable. There are so many instances where I know I should have said something. Even if my words weren’t listened to, I still should have said something. Anything.
I was in a long-term relationship with a girl who joined in sixth form and I treated her horribly. It was an unhealthy relationship in general but I look back on myself at that time with such disgust and disdain. I don’t blame the school for that – I was an asshole. I just really wish I’d been better. There’s no way I could contact her in a way that wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. But I just wish I could let her know that I’m sorry.
I’m not in contact with almost anyone I went to school with now and I feel sick whenever I think of CRGS. But I hate it less for the ways I was so often made to feel invalid and more for the way I – and others worse than me – felt emboldened to treat people with any less dignity or respect than they deserved.
It seems that anyone who is not white, rich, sporty, heterosexual and male is destined to face physical and emotional abuse and social ostracisation if they attend CRGS. I regularly heard stories of the bullying that went on there, derogatory and misogynistic rumours about CCHS girls, and homophobic claims about various boys being 'gay'.
I find it ironic that many parents make a big effort to get their kids into grammar schools because they think they will be better educated and protected there, yet the ones in my local area sounded worse than the comprehensives. I would like the CRGS SL team to know that while the school may have a reputation for topping the league tables, within the local community their pupils are known for abhorrent behaviour and attitudes that leave people scarred for life.
I find it both appalling and laughable that CRGS is lauded as an institution of excellence when it is in fact a breeding ground for the worst kind of people who go on to cause all kinds of harm in their personal and professional lives. I went to the same university as a CRGS pupil that I vaguely knew and when I encountered him on a night out during freshers week, he thought it was appropriate to undo my bra in the middle of a club. The school has a responsibility to protect its students, treat them all equally, and foster respectful behaviour and values - currently it seems to be failing on all counts. Teachers should be leading by example rather than encouraging and partaking in these dangerous and outdated attitudes and behaviours.
While not particularly surprised, I am still horrified by the number of incidents of rape, sexual harassment and assault, misogyny, sexism, revenge porn, homophobia, xenophobia, racism and general bullying listed in these comments. The school clearly needs to take a long hard look at itself and make serious changes from top to bottom. It should also be ashamed that one very brave woman has had to take it upon herself to publicly speak out to try and raise awareness of what has been allowed to go on for years and force CRGS to address these issues.
I can only share one story from my friends as it isn't specific: guys would hold parties and only invite girls based on their rating out of 10.
I can assure you there are far more and far worse, and it was horrible to see my friend subjected to it.
I'd also like to address the snobbery they would regard girls from state schools/sixth forms as, and the rape culture that perpetuated at parties where girls at state schools were targeted because they would be supposedly more 'slutty'. If they weren't targeted, they would make fun of a guy if they genuinely liked a girl from a state school, because they are below their status. This attitude continues into university towns/cities where there are both a Uni of and a polytechnic university, but then that becomes slightly less about gender.
While that incident took place outside of school, I was frequently touched inappropriately by male students during school hours and even during classes, including having my bum slapped, skirt lifted up etc - this was only occasionally stopped by teachers, never punished, and occasionally encouraged as 'banter'. On one occasion, I was forcibly lifted up and put in a sink in a science lab, which I couldn’t get out of on my own without showing my underwear to the entire class. The teacher thought it was funny enough to take a picture. This kind of behaviour was so prevalent that I never even realised it was wrong at the time - its not surprising the male students didn't either.
I was also regularly subjected to misogynistic comments and ‘jokes’, which were not criticised by the teachers (some of whom were more likely to criticise the female students over the length of their skirts - too short would be 'distracting' for the boys).
Once, when I criticised the prevailing attitude at the school, a male student told me I should just be grateful to the school for letting girls in. In my experience, that statement sums up the approach taken to the female sixth formers.
Many of my friends experienced similar behaviour, including rape, while at the school. I am also aware that some of my friends and peers experienced racist and homophobic abuse, from both students and teachers.
#97: Recently a friend told me that a particular boy in my year at crgs had made a comment about me, something along the lines of how much of a slut I was. This same boy has raped and sent around an inappropriate video of a girl. But apparently I’m the disgusting one.
#98: I have not been violated in anyway, but two of my friends I have known have been violated by one person who i thought was my friend. He also emotionally manipulated all of us and made us feel all uncomfortable. Once he asked us to rate our friends (boys and girls) on "fuckability" just on looks. Luckily we outed him from our group and the other boys - who I might add are not from the CRGS secondary school - and us girls are getting all along well.
Also I'm the only girl in my further maths class and I have heard some very unnerving conversations about how once guy was jerking off to someone older YouTube star or something and when I told them to not talk about it, they told me that I shouldn't have been listening... how could I have done that?!
I also want to add that not all boys from the secondary school have big egos and sexism issues. I know one guy who is shy and really nice and I can always have a nice conversation with him.
Again I'm not really a big victim but I kinda wanted to talk about it.
#99: I wasn’t a CRGS student but I was CCHS student. I really relate to lots of what you said in that article and it’s saddened me to read some of the comments here. I had a disgusting rumour made up about me when I was only in year 8 by two boys in the year above, the rumour being that I had penetrated myself with a Kit Kat. It was humiliating and although I had proof I’d never so much spoken to those boys before the rumour just went wild. I had boys in that friendship group commenting on all my photos on Facebook, Instagram. When I got my bus they would stand at the bus stop by Tesco’s and shout “kit Kat”. One even threw a Kit Kat at me when I was walking to my bus. 3 years later after I outed them I got an apology from one of the boys but still the other excuses it as ‘lad banter.’
I even had a guy friend at the school who was friends with them stick up for me and only then did it become to settle a little. Mental that although myself and all my friends had tried to stop it, it took ONE male to speak up and they respected that so much more. In saying that, many of boys made comments about him only doing that to get with me.
I hated with a passion those boys and what they did to me when I was 13 years old, it was something I had to take all through my high school and made me very angry and have a harsh exterior and I always felt like I was on the defence so came across very cold and ‘savage.’
I find it both appalling and laughable that CRGS is lauded as an institution of excellence when it is in fact a breeding ground for the worst kind of people who go on to cause all kinds of harm in their personal and professional lives. I went to the same university as a CRGS pupil that I vaguely knew and when I encountered him on a night out during freshers week, he thought it was appropriate to undo my bra in the middle of a club. The school has a responsibility to protect its students, treat them all equally, and foster respectful behaviour and values - currently it seems to be failing on all counts. Teachers should be leading by example rather than encouraging and partaking in these dangerous and outdated attitudes and behaviours.
While not particularly surprised, I am still horrified by the number of incidents of rape, sexual harassment and assault, misogyny, sexism, revenge porn, homophobia, xenophobia, racism and general bullying listed in these comments. The school clearly needs to take a long hard look at itself and make serious changes from top to bottom. It should also be ashamed that one very brave woman has had to take it upon herself to publicly speak out to try and raise awareness of what has been allowed to go on for years and force CRGS to address these issues.
#90: I ended up going to CCHS but was invited to interview at CRGS for 6th Form. My short conversation with the male student who had been assigned to show me around revealed his genuine surprise that the school’s recently hired female Economics teacher seemed competent. It was as if - to him - it was unheard of that a women could excel in such a subject. This, of course, speaks to the entirely unsurprising wider systemic issue of misogyny (among other things) within the grammar school that that author touches on. This conversation is much needed and will be necessary until rape culture at CRGS is fully eradicated.
#91: Like many who have joined this group, I didn't join the OC's after leaving the school because I felt like it was exclusive, male-oriented and a product of the sexist sentiment that permeated the school. Moreover, I didn't want to be associated further with something I didn't feel like I was part of anyway. I know some girls enjoyed their time at CRSG, and I did have some wonderful teachers and many wonderful male and female peers, but I am also one of many who left feeling degraded and with lower self esteem after experiencing insidious 'lad culture', inherent derogation and unchallenged 'banter', cattiness bred into cliquey dynamics, and feeling that inclusion of girls was a bonus to school credentials rather than a part of the fabric of the school.
#92: I wasn't as CRGS or CCHS, but a couple of my friends were and the difference between the boys at CRGS and my school/sixth form was huge. Whilst there are similarities in the actions like the throwing things down tops and misogynistic 'jokes', the accountability for boys was much higher at sixth form/state school. 'Lad' culture wasn't as insidious because they would be warier of being put down a peg, whereas at CRGS this 'Lad' culture seemed to be rewarded. It was even more prevalent with the guys who were in rugby/sports teams.
I can only share one story from my friends as it isn't specific: guys would hold parties and only invite girls based on their rating out of 10.
I can assure you there are far more and far worse, and it was horrible to see my friend subjected to it.
I'd also like to address the snobbery they would regard girls from state schools/sixth forms as, and the rape culture that perpetuated at parties where girls at state schools were targeted because they would be supposedly more 'slutty'. If they weren't targeted, they would make fun of a guy if they genuinely liked a girl from a state school, because they are below their status. This attitude continues into university towns/cities where there are both a Uni of and a polytechnic university, but then that becomes slightly less about gender.
#93: I am so glad this issue is fully being discussed and just hope some of the boys who attended CRGS read this and understand what their "harmless banter" has actually inflicted on multiple girls. Whilst I attended the sixth form there was just an accepted level of inappropriate touching, staring or comments made in lessons in front of teachers, that were just ignored. There were songs and chants made which contained names of some of the girls, or were written about them generally with sexual themes. Boys were made to learn these songs off by heart and sing them whilst on a rugby tour. I remember reading some of these songs being horrified, whilst all the other boys in the room were just laughing.
You could not spend a lunchtime without hearing one of the boys talk about how big one of the girls bums looked, how much of a slut someone was or how frigid someone else was. Some of the boys felt it was there right to stare at girls because how could they help themselves when she's wearing that skirt or wearing that tight top. Posts were made on social media slut shaming some of the girls that went to CRGS, this was taken to a staff member and the only repercussions of this was the account was deleted. Only for it to resurface a couple months later. How are girls at CRGS supposed to come forward when staff that are told about the issues do nothing? The perpetrators are instead teachers favourites, the popular rugby players and the poster boys of the school.
You could not spend a lunchtime without hearing one of the boys talk about how big one of the girls bums looked, how much of a slut someone was or how frigid someone else was. Some of the boys felt it was there right to stare at girls because how could they help themselves when she's wearing that skirt or wearing that tight top. Posts were made on social media slut shaming some of the girls that went to CRGS, this was taken to a staff member and the only repercussions of this was the account was deleted. Only for it to resurface a couple months later. How are girls at CRGS supposed to come forward when staff that are told about the issues do nothing? The perpetrators are instead teachers favourites, the popular rugby players and the poster boys of the school.
#94: A student, I won't name who, is known for pressing girls against the walls at parties and forcefully kissing them, as well as forcefully kissing them within the school ground
#95: Casual sexism and homophobes was RIFE. As a queer woman it felt like everyday I was battling for my rights and identity. I was pitted against sexist/ homophobic boys in my classes because I was known to be the one who would argue for equality. I was also labelled the crazy feminist and people genuinely hated me just for that?? had friends who were sexually assaulted, had private imaged shared amongst the boys or told their sexual assault was their fault. Teachers constantly brought up 'taboo" issues as debate when really it was just human rights. No one made any effort to police boys who were speaking out of their arses and proving themselves to be massive bigots. That's not even mentioning the state the school left my brother in after 7 years. (Mysoginstic, homphobic and racist, I can't believe we are related!)
#96: I joined CRGS from CCHS. Within weeks of joining the school, a fellow student raped me whilst I was black out drunk (not used to drinking and they'd plied me with drinks). Later the same night, a group of other students took my clothes off and touched me inappropriately (possibly more, I don't know). I was a virgin... I could tell I'd been penetrated and remembered kissing the first student, but when I asked him the next day if anything happened he denied that he'd had sex with me. I only found out (what I know of) what happened from one of the other students who was there a couple of years later. It took me three more years to realise that I was raped - I thought it was my fault for getting drunk.
While that incident took place outside of school, I was frequently touched inappropriately by male students during school hours and even during classes, including having my bum slapped, skirt lifted up etc - this was only occasionally stopped by teachers, never punished, and occasionally encouraged as 'banter'. On one occasion, I was forcibly lifted up and put in a sink in a science lab, which I couldn’t get out of on my own without showing my underwear to the entire class. The teacher thought it was funny enough to take a picture. This kind of behaviour was so prevalent that I never even realised it was wrong at the time - its not surprising the male students didn't either.
I was also regularly subjected to misogynistic comments and ‘jokes’, which were not criticised by the teachers (some of whom were more likely to criticise the female students over the length of their skirts - too short would be 'distracting' for the boys).
Once, when I criticised the prevailing attitude at the school, a male student told me I should just be grateful to the school for letting girls in. In my experience, that statement sums up the approach taken to the female sixth formers.
Many of my friends experienced similar behaviour, including rape, while at the school. I am also aware that some of my friends and peers experienced racist and homophobic abuse, from both students and teachers.
Also I'm the only girl in my further maths class and I have heard some very unnerving conversations about how once guy was jerking off to someone older YouTube star or something and when I told them to not talk about it, they told me that I shouldn't have been listening... how could I have done that?!
I also want to add that not all boys from the secondary school have big egos and sexism issues. I know one guy who is shy and really nice and I can always have a nice conversation with him.
Again I'm not really a big victim but I kinda wanted to talk about it.
I even had a guy friend at the school who was friends with them stick up for me and only then did it become to settle a little. Mental that although myself and all my friends had tried to stop it, it took ONE male to speak up and they respected that so much more. In saying that, many of boys made comments about him only doing that to get with me.
I hated with a passion those boys and what they did to me when I was 13 years old, it was something I had to take all through my high school and made me very angry and have a harsh exterior and I always felt like I was on the defence so came across very cold and ‘savage.’
#100: I attended CCHS from year 7-11. I can completely agree with every comment previously. The disrespect towards women and misogyny from a large majority of males attending CRGS is shameful and unlike anything I’ve experienced in comparison to males from other mixed schools. I also fell victim to frequent sexual harassment at parties and social meetings outside of school, where boys would purposely try to get girls drunk or approach girls who were obviously past the point of consent, and perform sexual acts on them/with them, for the sole purpose of getting ‘lad points’, adding the girl to a ranking scheme, and then publicly embarrassing them by sharing private details with their classmates. We all knew confronting these individuals would just lead to more harassment and bullying which we did not think wise to do. Looking back, we should have reported every incident, every episode of sexual harassment and misogyny, every rape, but it was not openly talked about and you would be made to feel shameful if you did.
Personally, I had a nude shared by someone I trusted very much at the time, with what felt like the whole of CCHS and CRGS. Multiple boys from CRGS would send me a copy, calling me every degrading name under the sun for sending it in the first place. This name-calling continued for the rest of my time at CCHS and even after I had left. This had a massive impact on my mental health, it led to me leaving CCHS and attending the sixth form college for years 12-13 as I couldn’t put myself through that kind of harassment any longer. I still suffer with anxiety and issues regarding my own self worth now, 10 years later. I majorly attribute this to my time at school and my interactions with CRGS pupils.
I had friends who had older boys force themselves upon them, then threaten them not to tell anyone or they would make their lives miserable. I had other friends who would be blackmailed into performing sexual acts, they would get verbally and sexually abused for ‘not doing as they were told’, slut shamed, insulted, made to feel worthless. The rape culture in this school was horrific and by the sounds of it, still is. It needs to change.
Personally, I had a nude shared by someone I trusted very much at the time, with what felt like the whole of CCHS and CRGS. Multiple boys from CRGS would send me a copy, calling me every degrading name under the sun for sending it in the first place. This name-calling continued for the rest of my time at CCHS and even after I had left. This had a massive impact on my mental health, it led to me leaving CCHS and attending the sixth form college for years 12-13 as I couldn’t put myself through that kind of harassment any longer. I still suffer with anxiety and issues regarding my own self worth now, 10 years later. I majorly attribute this to my time at school and my interactions with CRGS pupils.
I had friends who had older boys force themselves upon them, then threaten them not to tell anyone or they would make their lives miserable. I had other friends who would be blackmailed into performing sexual acts, they would get verbally and sexually abused for ‘not doing as they were told’, slut shamed, insulted, made to feel worthless. The rape culture in this school was horrific and by the sounds of it, still is. It needs to change.
Support
Note: If you are a child and need help, whether you're currently experiencing sexual abuse or have experienced it in the past, please reach out to the NSPCC if you feel comfortable. Further, you can also report a crime to the Essex Police or call 101.
For adults, if you need support, you can also contact the police or you can reach out to mental health organisations Suffolk Mind or Essex Mind. Alternatively, contact the Essex Centre for Action on Rape & Abuse or Suffolk Rape Crisis. You can also give anonymous intelligence to The Ferns in Ipswich to help the police with future cases if you feel uncomfortable pressing charges yourself.
Note, I have personally used both the services of Suffolk Rape Crisis and The Ferns and highly recommend them as super-friendly and approachable organisations!
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