On the following pages, you can read about the experiences of both former and current students of Colchester Royal Grammar School (CRGS). These have been made public to raise awareness and encourage the school to implement lasting change.
- If you attended CRGS or CCHS, you can leave an anonymous comment about CRGS at https://forms.gle/EbMGiG17GNy59H39A. Thank you for your bravery.
- If you are shocked, please subscribe to receive future updates about these allegations: https://forms.gle/AJD8oghusRJWfP5c9
- If you have been affected by anything you have read, please scroll down to the bottom of this page where you will find a list of places to seek support.
- Note: Editor added bold/ purple, this was not done by the author. Its purpose is to highlight the key issues raised in each submission.
#101: I dated a CRGS pupil who forced me to take part in oral sex the first time I was alone with him, and then proceeded to try and have sex with me at parties despite me being very much against the idea at the time. It was something I realised was wrong years later, as at the time it was presented as what you were expected to do in a relationship. When I was at CRGS later for sixth form, it was clear that what I had experienced was not a one off. In fact, there were incidents so so much worse than this; I know multiple women who have been both sexually and physically abused by CRGS boys both at parties and in relationships.
I could list multiple CRGS boys who hit their girlfriends. Not only did boys take advantage of my friends during parties, but they were then shamed for it when they suggested it hadn’t been consensual, with one boy deciding to start a vile nickname and even when confronted about it, simply laughed. Girls nudes have been sent around the school on multiple occasions, who are then subsequently blamed for the incident. One of my male teachers also called me into a room alone after a lesson and told me my dress was “too tight” which made me feel extremely uncomfortable.
From the spiteful behaviours such as stealing my new school shoes after they’d written “slut” and “bitch” in sharpie, so I then had to walk home crying and barefoot, to being told all the boys “hated me because I was ugly”, to being publicly trolled on Twitter by the “popular boys”, to being told I was a stupid woman who belonged in the kitchen and would never make it to uni by a boy who drug deals and still lives with his parents (I graduated, thanks for the concern though XXXX).
The behaviour of some of these boys shocks and saddens me. I too, was too frightened to say anything at all, as it was easier to be liked by them than be a target. The school need to act now, and stop treating these boys as though they’re above the rest of us.
#103: I've been reading these stories with sadness and recognition, as I'm sure a lot of others have. FWIW for any boys reading this: speaking personally I know I would like an apology, even if you dont think the person wants to hear it from you. I think a lot of what's coming out is anger and frustration and a desire to be taken seriously, if you have reflected on you behaviour at the school and are sorry for it, apologising to the people you hurt might be welcomed.
After i told him i was only interested in being friends and was uncomfortable with how he acted, done so by text, he "apologised" but then told his ex that i exaggerated because i was embarrassed to have kissed him. Before i rejected him he tried to get me to go on walks alone with him again, in which i told him i wasnt sure if i wanted to (as i didnt want him to try anything), and he told my other friends that i walk with that he was going to steal me after school and for them not to wait for me. I asked my exbf to say he would walk with us and the guy said my exbf was "cockblocking" him. He acted as though because we kissed on one occasion he could do whatever he wanted, and that me saying no seemed playful. He also said it was fine because it wasnt like he groped me or anything. I didn't want to report him because I didn't feel as though it was big enough of a deal for anything to be done, despite my friends telling me to.
#105: A boy in my year who was and is to this day what I would describe as the embodiment of white male privilege made my life awful in my second year. In the first year we were friendly as he was quite popular, sporty and relatively good looking, we met at some parties and he dated some of my friends but it is key to note we were never sexual in our relationship.
I began in the first year to call him out on some of his actions: for example - shaving off eyebrows or pubes of boys while they were passed out, lifting up girls tops at parties, throwing water over girls t-shirts (these are the minor everyday things as to call him out on the larger things would be too specific and unfair to the people involved).
As he gained more popularity he took advantage of his position and openly sexually assaulted girls at parties, the boys did not call him out on this at the time and never have since. I was unlucky enough in my first year to be drunk at a party and received some of this unwanted attention, after telling some of my friends what had happened (as I hope u can understand I don’t want to go into detail about this) - they didn’t believe me or said that I was being dramatic. Some mutual male friends of ours saying ‘I mean you must have wanted it’, ‘look what you were wearing’, ‘you’ve been flirting, what do u expect’.
I called him out on this in person and was forced into a ‘friendly chat’ during lunchtime, surrounded by his mates. I was forced into standing down feeling pressured not to speak out for the sake of my social life. After this I grew confidence and began to openly speak out about him and his actions. I instantly stopped getting invited to social events and lost a lot of friends. I was accused of ‘sh*t talking him behind his back’ when I would state facts or evidence of things this boy has done - something that I got angry about and was met with more verbal attacks calling me ‘hysterical’ or ‘over reacting’.
In our second year he actively made my life worse making my friends pick sides or trying to press them against me, I found myself pretty lonely and pretty much turned to studying.
The word limit to this response is not enough to list all of the horrible things this boy did to not only me, my friends and random girls at parties but also his to male friends at rugby curries etc. I was shocked at the behaviour of the boys on those nights For example: Multiple accounts of abuse or assault on some of the less ‘alpha boys’ or the younger years, forced drinking and eating of bodily fluids.
It would be unfair to pin the obvious rape culture and unconscious ingrained misogyny on any one person as it is a deeper issue. However, I believe that the coming generations need it to have the confidence to speak out to such individuals who deem it ok to treat people they see as ‘lesser’ in such a degrading and demeaning way.
#107: I am not a former student of CRGS but of CCHSG, the girl's grammar school that neighbours CRGS. I have been subject to endless sexualisation by the boys of that school, on the bus, at parties. It was a never-ending cycle of misogyny and belittlement when I addressed how worthless they made me feel.
Comments on my breasts, how they’re “so big,” and they'd love to do drugs on my breasts. There have been bets on who would “fuck” me first. I won't even get started on the homophobia and racism in that school. It's like a 1930’s changing room. That school has allowed these things to occur because they encourage it. They let this culture take place if it means they score the best places in university and life. It was a relief reading this article.
#108: I couldn’t agree more with your article. CRGS is a centre of academic excellence and I met some amazing people there, but the accepted levels of sexism, racism and homophobia was awful. I am truly grateful to the school for everything that they offered me academically, but something needs to change about the culture they are fostering.
When I started the sixth form as a 16-year-old girl I was catcalled, objectified, sexualised and inappropriately touched by boys and it was such a common occurrence that I thought I couldn’t say anything. It seemed an accepted culture that girls that came from comprehensive schools were ‘easy’ and made good targets.
Teachers witnessed boys shouting about my ‘great arse and legs’ and said nothing, another teacher thought it was acceptable to agree and join in with the ‘banter’ when boys in my class would ask ‘doesn’t X look attractive today sir?... ‘don’t you think she should wear X more often sir?’
The toxic culture ruined my self-worth and made me withdrawn and shy.
Too much responsibility was placed on girls to make sure they dressed appropriately to not distract the boys or make members of staff uncomfortable, rather than educating the boys about what was acceptable to say to women in the workplace.
With that said, it’s important to remember that there were some incredibly respectful and wonderful boys at the school, but the culture that the school fostered allowed enough of this inappropriate behaviour to occur that it tainted the experience of many women and girls who passed though the school (and many boys too I’m sure). School should be a safe place for all and to facilitate this, ‘laddish’ behaviour needs to be called out and addressed.
#109: 1) Throughout my two years in sixth form I never felt I could use the jcr due to the extreme sexist, racist and homophobic comments thrown about as “lad banter” by the old crgs boys. I tried calling them out early on and was asked if I was “on my period”
2) I was once told by a female crgs teacher that the girls were only “brought in” to ensure the old crgs boys boosted their grades through competition, but we should always dress appropriately to not distract them from their studies (this meant no shoulders or ankles on show as the poor boys would get “too excited”)
3) I once woke up at a party to find my crgs boyfriend at the time mounting me having already taken off my pants. I still don’t know what he did to me whilst I was passed out.
#110: Former CCHS girl here. I applied to the CRGS sixth form and (thankfully) didn’t get in, so stayed at CCHS. I was upset at the time but was quickly relieved when I started hearing what it was like from my friends who did go. They were constantly subject to sexist, inappropriate and degrading behaviour and comments. They were unwelcome and treated as other and ‘less than’. They were constantly objectified, given nasty nicknames and bullied. Many were sexually harassed and even assaulted. Sadly, this culture was almost accepted. It was seen as the price girls had to pay to attend such a ‘good’ sixth form (strictly in terms of academic results).
Many boys made it very clear that they did not want girls at the school and felt they were superior. CRGS seems to live in a strange bubble where students are taught they are superior to everyone else, resulting in huge egos and a disregard for other human beings. This of course isn’t true of all the students but it was a worrying theme. I knew a fair amount of CRGS boys and respect for women was sadly rare and there didn’t seem to be any concept of consent. I left school a decade ago and I’m sad to see from the comments that nothing has changed.
#111: To be honest, any comment or action that was misogynistic or just unacceptable was always put in the category of “rugby culture”. It became the title for inappropriate behaviour, but obviously only included the boys who created it. Girls were “unable” to understand this “culture” as we didn’t play rugby so it was their free pass to say what they wanted.
#112: I’ve already shared my views on the rape culture in this school in the comments section but I failed to mention the most poignant event that I experienced as I still feel ashamed, 10 years on. But only now am I realising exposing this kind of behaviour and pushing for change is exactly what we need to be doing. I was raped at a party when I was 15. I was heavily under the influence of alcohol, this was most likely my own doing, but it resulted in me waking up/regaining consciousness in a bathroom with a boy who had not touched a drink all evening, penetrating me. I remember coming round each time, trying to pull my underwear back on and pushing him away. I remember he’d left the door unlocked so the other boys could look in and laugh. I can remember the laughter, it was as if he was doing nothing wrong.
#113: I attended CCHS during Sixth Form and had some unpleasant interactions with some boys from CRGS. Having entered CCHS in Year 12, I wasn't particularly familiar with this elitist, sexist, misogynistic culture that was endemic at CRGS.
During my time at college, I had a few relationships with boys from CRGS. However, I experienced repeated and prolonged taunts and was on the receiving end of hurtful sexist 'jokes'.
For example, I found out that the boys on the rugby team made a song about me. The song described all the boys that had 'laid me' and who I 'suck off'. Which was chanted in the coach on the way back from one of their matches and was also referenced to on social media. I also remember rumours were spread about my supposed sexual fetishes and preferences.
Given that I didn't go to CRGS, much of what I heard was relayed to me from friends or were shared publicly on social media. Some of the boys would make sexist and degrading comments and images, passing it off as 'banter' or labelling them as 'memes'. One of which, that was shared on a group chat, was an image of me that was edited and had swastikas drawn on my face. Some comments were also made about my mum, with some CRGS boys mocking her on social media.
I found my time during Sixth Form quite difficult, both from these aforementioned experiences (to name a few) and from watching the same happen to so many other girls in my year. But I never fully recognised how wrong the situation was. It wasn't until I got to university, and spoke about my experiences, that one of my friends turned round to me and said 'that's wrong, that's effectively bullying'. This is just illustrative of how this culture has become so normalized.
I was lucky I didn't experience anything worse, but now looking back I realise how widespread this behaviour was, perpetuated by an elitist institution with archaic values and unwilling to address the situation. What troubles me too is that when I and other girls tried to speak out to stand up for ourselves, we were simply branded by the CRGS boys as being unable to take a joke. Sexism is not a joke.
Thank you Scarlett and thank you to all those who have shared their stories.
#114: I was 14, invited to a CRGS/ CCHS party only then to be taken out in to an empty field by one of the ‘lads’ where I was sexually assaulted. I definitely think if it wasn’t for one of the many friends looking for me at this party, I could have been raped- I was in shock on the ground and he was over me and taking off his trousers.
This moment has affected most of my school/ social life due to my friends and his friends all being one bigger group. It became very hard to even go to parties because I was constantly worried and adjusting my routine to avoid seeing him.
If I ended up in the same room as him I would have panic attacks and once again go into shock- which to me felt like I reliving the experience.
I have gone so many years doubting my self and convincing myself that it was my fault or that it wasn’t actually sexually assaulted because I should of felt ‘lucky’ to get sexual attention FROM HIM.
I was scared to speak up because I felt like I would be blamed for this actions, and then relentlessly slut shamed. This wasn’t an irrational fear as this reaction was that has been given to some of my friends and many other women.
These kinds of events led to me not wanting to apply to CRGS for sixth form, despite having the GCSE grades and wanting to apply to Oxbridge. Now I am at a non-Oxbridge but still top university where some CRGS students attend, many of them have become a part of friend groups of men who think that women shouldn't be here on a STEM course.
One of the men from a group containing a CRGS student told one of my friends after she got into Oxbridge for a masters that women are the reason people like him can't get in to Oxbridge, presumably meaning that they take the places away from men to fill some kind of quota. The culture of men being better carries through to university and beyond, and this needs to stop. It is not only at detriment to the women, but also I feel that the men have been continuously let down by the issues not being brought up and stopped in their tracks at a younger age.
#116: Whilst I was present I was made aware of a 'bet' the guys in the year above me had. They divvied up the girls in my year and had a bet to try to sleep with us.
#117: I'm sure this has been mentioned, but the constant policing of hem lines and fit of skirts, without and question of how work appropriate any of the boys clothing was. Not only was this done to girls in crowds, thereby drawing attention to their bodies, but girls were also sent home. In some cases it was even from male teachers, complaining that it was distracting them. Because not being a distraction to boys is more important than the girls education.
#118: On my first day in Y12 at CRGS a boy in the year above singled me out at lunch and told me that my outfit was shit. For the next year, he continually harassed me - exposing himself me a few times a week at lunch (known as ‘sneaky nut’) when I was sitting down, so his genitalia was at my eye level. He would also steal and hide my personal belongings, knowing I was too scared to ask for them back. I would automatically freeze every time I saw him at school / in town / on a night out, because I was so scared of him shouting abuse at me. I knew I couldn’t say anything to the school, because I’d be ostracised, so I just coped with it. I felt afraid coming into school every day. Another girl complained and he was briefly suspended but allowed to return to school and finish his A-Levels.
I was also bullied for two years by a very senior teacher, now retired. He used classic emotionally abusive tactics to ensure that all my self esteem was totally reliant on him. I used to joke about my ‘Stockholm syndrome’ for him. He would compliment me lavishly one week, then humiliate me in front of the class, telling everyone I’d lost my touch. He repeatedly made jokes about my appearance - E.G. in my first week, when telling the boys to shave, suggested I also needed to shave my sideburns / moustache. He once kept me alone after class to tell me that I was violating the uniform policy. He told me that XX girl in the year above could wear the same skirt as me, because she was thin - but I was too fat to wear the same clothes. He told me that although I was an excellent candidate, I was too fat/unattractive to be a prefect. When I started crying, he told me I was being ridiculous. He made it very clear that my entrance to study his subject at Oxbridge was reliant on his good recommendation - so I had to play along, or risk my future.
There are countless other experiences we could speak about. My time at CRGS was very damaging to my relationship with myself, and to men in my life. When I got to university I was very hostile to men in my year-group because I was scared they’d behave the same way as the boys from school. It took me several years to realise that those levels of contempt / misogyny / violence are just not normal.
#119: I went to CCHS. One of my first experiences of CRGS boys was as a Year 7 on the school bus. I was 11 and two male CRGS sixth form students sat next to me and loudly rated all of my body parts on how sexually attractive each was. I was too terrified to say anything.
#120: When I was 13 I was invited to a party with CRGS boys, coming from an all girls school this was quite exciting. It was the first party that sparked the transition from village hall discos to late night drinking fests. Upon arriving a rumor was spread round that one of the boys had brought date rape drugs to spike our drinks with as well as alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. They jeered at all the girls, except an elite few, that night and made us feel unsafe and unwelcome. This was when we were 13. Behaviour like this has only elevated throughout the years.
#121: I wasn’t a student at CRGS, but was at one of the neighbouring schools down Lexden Road. As a Gay man, and an effeminate one at that I was relentlessly bullied by male students of CRGS for my sexual identity. This manifested primarily as verbal bullying - being called a “poof” or a “fag” regularly, but several times I was physically attacked and once sexually assaulted - a boy cornered me at a party and forced my to give him oral sex under threat of physical violence. I’ve always kept quiet since leaving school- it’s always been something that has continued to hurt me since leaving school, but your article has inspired me to speak out in a way. CRGS has a huge problem with allowing a culture that encourages violence towards anyone that isn’t White, Male or Cisgender. The school cares more about high grades than the welfare of any of their students. Racism, Sexism, Transphobia and Homophobia are every day life at CRGS, from what I’ve heard from friends who have attended and the school needs to inevitably do better.
#122: I am not a former student of CRGS but of CCHSG, the girl's grammar school that neighbours CRGS. I have been subject to endless sexualisation by the boys of that school, on the bus, at parties. It was a never-ending cycle of misogyny and belittlement when I addressed how worthless they made me feel. Comments on my breasts, how they’re “so big,” and they'd love to do drugs on my breast. There have been bets on who would “fuck” me first. I won't even get started on the homophobia and racism in that school. It's like a 1930’s changing room. That school has allowed these things to occur because they encourage it. They let this culture take place if it means they score the best places in university and life. It was a relief reading this article.
#123: I joined CRGS in year 12, after completing the rest of my high schooling at a local co-ed school. When I think back to my time at CRGS I am regretful of how I acted under the influence of the boys around me, engaging in banter and probably succumbing to some of the behaviour (“banter”) listed in posts before this. I believe I treated my female peers in ways I had never done before, gossiping and being judgemental based on sexual habits. I never acted this way in my previous school. The ethos of the school is that the boys are superior and the only way to get through is to develop what you think at the time is a thick skin, to join them or be bullied more.
One of the first stories I can remember hearing when I joined the school was that multiple boys had taken turns having sex with a girl on a car bonnet at a party. I don’t know how true this is but it is something that was widespread as gossip. This is such a strong image and in retrospect, is another story of sexual abuse that we brushed off at the time. We were not given the resources or education to recognise this conversation as abuse.
At one of the first parties, I found myself in a room with two boys in my year, they took my bra off without me having control over the situation. I felt uncomfortable but tried to act confident, I feel this reflects a lot of scenarios at my time at CRGS, finding myself in uncomfortable positions but going with it because I didn’t know the importance of consent or have the confidence as a 16-17 year old to assert myself. I received an apology Christmas card from one of the boys that did this- they obviously knew they had crossed a boundary. I walked into English the following Monday, the whole class started unbuttoning their shirts like a strip tease, the teacher asked me “are you still drunk?” This seems minor compared to many stories but the teachers playing into the banter made you feel more marginalised than you thought was possible.
One boy in particular in our year was an abusive bully. I would get called bowling ball, or chunk, or have my ass grabbed.
I even recall another teacher playing into jokes about my mum. When he saw her on parents evening, he called us over for a meeting even though we didn’t have an appointment. I don’t think it’s appropriate for teachers to make mum jokes.
Once I was in a class, I was the only female and there was a whole class of year 8/9s. One yelled, “who can guess her bra size”? Even the young boys had no fear.
I have fond memories of some of the friends I made at CRGS, but I do wish there was less alienation and a stronger support network against the bullying that goes on in plain sight within classrooms and the abuse this leads to outside of school.
#124: The culture of sexism bred by CRGS, both pupils and staff, created a toxic and pressurising environment which I believe to have been very unhealthy. Soon after joining the school I was shocked to learn that the boys in the year above had given the girls in my year nicknames, which were derogatory and based on our appearances, and then had each chosen one girl to attempt to sleep with for a prize. The boys would shout these nicknames across the common room at us daily. Being a 16-year-old girl who had arrived from an all girls school I thought this must be ‘normal’, so just got on with it, and tried to laugh it off. The staff must have known that things like this were going on and the fact that this was considered to be fine and went unquestioned still shocks me to this day.
I started in the second half of the ’00s and throughout my time at the school, lad culture was rife. I participated in lad culture. Anyone who tries to tell you they didn’t is lying. ‘Gay’ became a byword for ‘failure’. We judged each other based on how many girls we had intimate experiences with. People from working-class backgrounds-such as myself-were mocked and shamed by both pupils and staff. Toxic masculinity was normalised and accepted in friend groups spanning CRGS and CCHS. Boys in my year group assaulted girls at CCHS. I was raped by girls from CCHS. Nobody challenged this behaviour. It took me several years after leaving school to realise the impact of this on myself and the people around me. I acknowledge my complicity in these abhorrent behaviours and reflect upon it often. I think I will always do this.
This can’t go on. Staff must challenge this behaviour. Pupils must be taught to challenge this behaviour. Reject misogyny, homophobia and racism. Ban that jingoistic bastard from the OC’s. Also, don’t join the OC’s! You’re supporting classist hegemony! Make your own way in life without the support of rich white men. I would never want to associate myself with the OC’s. I will never send my children to a selective school.
#126: I dated one of the boys when I joined from CCHS in year 12. He was emotionally abusive, massively controlling over me and would threaten me with things like self harm if I was behaving in a way he didn’t like. The relationship was extremely toxic but when it ended for good in year 13 I was really relieved and just wanted to be left alone. After blocking him on all social media he continued to message me on school email asking to speak to me and send me these long letters when he had a new girlfriend. I replied saying no every time but he wouldn’t take it as an answer.
On one night he turned up to my house, uninvited, and posted a letter and wouldn’t leave the top of my road until I came and spoke to him. I went to ask him to leave but he was persistently trying to get me in his car which really frightened me. He was alluding to the fact he was going to self harm or do something dangerous to get me to come out my house, whilst getting another male mutual friend to message me to say to go out and speak to him.
After this he continued to try and give me letters and things at school and it got to the point I said I would get the school involved if he didn’t stop harassing me. He then tried to start rumours and make it into a joke about me which ended in a bad argument where teachers got involved.
He was family friends with the head of sixth form, school captain and rugby captain so I knew the school would protect him and brush it over. Even after I showed them the emails and explained the situation I overheard the conversation between him and Mr Harvey which ended in laughter when he was suppose to be disciplined. He made school a living hell for me and was constantly spreading rumours and would make life hard for my friends after the break up and started to try and ostracise them from the wider social group. The summer after year 13 he found out I had a new boyfriend and he tried to fight him at a party and was acting possessive and violent the whole night even 4 months after me no longer speaking to him or having anything to do with him.
I thought once we all went to university I could leave this behind me and having been at university for 2 years I’ve tried distancing myself from him and that school as much as I can. However since going to university he got at least 7 of his new friends to collaboratively stalk and harass me online, unprovoked by me, for the last year (people I have never met) and he has posted weird sexual comments about me online only just last summer. The harassment got so frequent (sometimes more than once a day and weekly for months) and concerning that a few months ago I had to call the national stalking line which lead to the police getting involved. I didn’t think they would do much but they took it really seriously and I finally felt validated in my feelings of fear and frustration that the school ignored. He now has a police warning to leave me alone and so do his university friends. His behaviour these last 2 years has been really creepy, disturbing and has made me feel unsafe when I come home from university. It’s taken the police to get involved for me to feel safe again and it annoys me that it carried on for so long.
His deep insecurities and control problems, rooted from CRGS having an issue with toxic masculinity, has been a burden on me for the last 4 years and if they disciplined him properly and took it seriously when I first went to them with this issue maybe the police would never have had to get involved. That school failed me and so many other girls just to protect boys like this. I’ve heard he’s caused problems for other girls since and it angers me to see girls younger than me posting their experience with boys at that school showing how systemic the issue is and how the school is doing everything it can to turn a blind eye to this behaviour.
#127: A lot of girls at CRGS suffer with imposter syndrome as a result of the misogynistic atmosphere at CRGS. The constant telling offs about uniform so as to not distract men, the comments about “how lucky we are” to have the opportunity to study alongside the boys, the shrugged-off jokes about rape and domestic abuse, the way that some female teachers feel the need to remind us that we actually are just as valued and intelligent as the boys who have been there since year 7, because they recognise that the atmosphere at CRGS favours them. We are left with this feeling of not being worthy to be at a school that chose us!
#128: I am a CCHSG student - I never even considered CRGS as a sixth form option because I was aware of the horrible lad culture there. So many of them not only make inappropriate racist jokes but also rape jokes that are very triggering. There is someone who has harassed girls even in the class rooms at CRGS and he is not being held accountable. They aren't being educated about serious issues and they think it is fun and games to rank girls but their physical appearance.
#129: I joined cchsg in sixth form after finishing from a normal state school and I am 100% positive that school was the cause of my depression and failure at A level. The headteacher is the most sexist woman I’ve ever met and regularly started her assemblies with how much she thought woman were better than men - but also not only all woman, woman that went to this school were magically supposed to be better than any other female in the whole world due to their education. She regularly signalled out favourites who were high flying cchsg original girls and us new comers were pushed aside with no help or guidance. Whilst the original girls came out with flying a levels many of us new girls did not - we were left alone and made to feel like we were tarnishing the school and only accepted us because they had to accept a certain number of new people for the college. Absolutely revolting school and would not recommend. I also had friends who went to crgs and experienced abuse from the men and many times were told they could not have the same experiences as the men. On top of this the level of racism in crgs is abysmal. Both schools should be shut down.
[Editors note: This submission is not only about CRGS specifically but I included it as I wanted their voice to be heard - for any submissions not about students/ staff at CRGS, please submit them to the wider Everyone's Invited page here]
#130: While outed by my classmates in 2005, the bullying I had been subjected to over the previous 4 years not only escalated, but a student in my year threatened to stab me if I came in the following day. I was put in solitary confinement and suspended following failing to attend school the previous day. The attitudes under section 28 were still rife and my fear for my safety was brushed under the carpet and I was made out to be the problem.
As an outsider to the heteronormative nature of the rest of the classroom environment it was BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS that this was an upper-middle-class boys club, girls were objectified more so in an all-male classroom because it goes unchallenged and is allowed to self-perpetuate. Teachers were soft on the matter, being mostly white middle-aged men of their time themselves.
Any female staff who challenged this behaviour were ‘bitches’ and ‘slags’ - it was incredibly uncomfortable. Then add in the introduction of girls into the sixth form, you’ve got a school full of horny teenage boys suddenly presented with young women. The cat calling down the hallways and the open critique of the girls’ physical appearance was incessant. To give an example, I remember a girl called XXXX who wasn’t as handy with her makeup as is now the standard for teenage girls. People called her ‘melty face’ and would regularly shout ‘I’m meeeeelting’ on their way past her à la Wizard of Oz. I can only imagine how horrible that must have made her feel.
Safe to say I didn’t stay for sixth form. I left at the first opportunity against the wishes of my family. It goes without saying that issues important to those of us outside of the status quo were not discussed appropriately and I feel set up for failure by my schooling.
Sex Ed was almost non-existent, the dangers of predatory behaviour within the lgbt community weren’t even touched upon. I’ve since been the victim of domestic violence and sexual assault by a previous partner.
Arguably had the classroom been a mixed environment at least discussing this for the benefit of the girls in the room under a traditional gender stereotype, I would have at least had some sort of information pass me that could have helped me maybe see the signs of what might happen. All my time at CRGS taught me was that when you fear for your safety and are concerned for your welfare, nobody is going to help. And you know what? In life since that’s been the case.
#131: I joined CRGS in sixth form. it’s harrowing to read through these testimonies and recognise the universality of our experiences, even though these range significantly in when they took place. it is disheartening to see that nothing has changed, although in a strange way i am comforted that i was not alone in how i felt at the time. it’s funny how even though i’m now a uni graduate, i’m still nervous to post this testimony in case i’m picked apart on a CRGS group chat.
for me, whilst i personally had no singular ‘serious’ experience (although others definitely did whilst i was at the school), sexist micro aggressions were constant and would follow us home via social media. this relentlessness would wear me down to a state of exhaustion, frustration, and sadness. it was passed off as harmless banter, making me feel as if i was weak and paranoid. on reflection i can see that we were gaslit into doubting our own experiences of sexism. i feel sad for the young woman i was, who wasn’t able to articulate or challenge what was happening. to survive the environment i certainly adopted some behaviours that we would associate with being an ‘alpha male’, which, looking back, turned me into a person that i didn’t like.
whilst i genuinely did have some great teaching at the school, teachers consistently favoured male pupils. often staff have known these boys since they were 11, and may have taught older brothers before that. they fail to realise that these pupils are no longer 11 year old children, but young men who have grown up in a culture of elitism and sexism, who are now perpetuating those harmful ideas themselves. the harshest punishment i saw for these kind of behaviours was a group detention. my female friend, in comparison, got sent home for her skirt being too short, and was humiliated in front of her peers. this was the most serious punishment i witnessed during my time at the school, despite some truly revolting things occurring.
it is important to hold individuals to account; i hope any boys reading this acknowledge their complicity and work to do better (although from some of these testimonies some should be in prison). it is also important, however, to acknowledge the structural forces that create the environment at CRGS. boys join the school age 11, and therefore grow up seeing women as an ‘other’. interactions would often be limited to bus stop flirtations and then later house parties, and thus these young men never saw women as intellectual equals, or as anything other than something to look at, to desire sexually.
a very small intake of young women joining what the boys very much saw as ‘their’ school aged 16, is frankly a disaster waiting to happen unless all adults work proactively to eradicate sexism wherever they find it. parents, teachers, OCs, and governors failed in their duty to protect young women, and actually, all pupils who deviated from the model of the ‘alpha male’. whilst i can only speak of my experiences as a white woman, homophobia, racism, and ableism are also rife. failure to tackle the structural issues at CRGS has a ripple effect, in that these young men are likely to end up in positions of significant power, and the cycle repeats itself.
i stand in solidarity with all those who have been brave enough to post their story, and for giving me the confidence to share part of mine.
i stand in solidarity with all those who have been brave enough to post their story, and for giving me the confidence to share part of mine.
#132: I attended cchs and my brother attended crgs two years below me. i can attest to the fact that crgs is a machine that takes young boys and churns out monsters who think they earn brownie points with each other by harassing girls, and treat homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism and sexual assault as hilarious jokes. i’m bisexual and the things that my own brother has said to me to my face is shocking. reading these testimonies is not only harrowing because I have been subjected to much of this behaviour myself, but also because all the behaviours and attitudes described is so reminiscent of my own brother, and his actions and words, that i wouldn’t be surprised if he was one of the main culprits in perpetuating this kind of thing.
#133: I didn't attend CRGS but was at CCHS from Y7 through to upper sixth. During this time I got the bus to school every day with CRGS boys and well remember the constant low level sexism, that seemed to taint even the otherwise likable people. A couple of experiences have particularly stuck with me - the group of boys comparing their opinions of the breasts of all the girls they travelled with, including guessing our cup sizes and out right asking us if they were right. Boys trying to sneakily undo your bra through your top when sitting behind you on the bus, or if you were standing. A boy crawling under the seats from the back of the bus, between inspecting girls legs.
The sad thing is we didn't view any of this as wrong. Even our girls school that was proud to tell us we could achieve anything academically also taught us that it was our responsibility to act in a way that didn't make us "vulnerable", making us internalise victim-blaming. I don't think these boys were evil, or that they have grown into toxic men. What I do feel is that they were not challenged or taught better, and were given a toxic skewed idea of masculinity and achievement that damaged not only them, but others.
#134: As a CCHS student who attended CRGS for sixth form, I definitely felt the misogynistic rape culture created by that school since I was about 14. Girls are constantly in a lose-lose situation, being labelled as ‘frigid’/‘boring’ for saying no/calling out sexist behaviour, or completely slut-shamed. Whilst it was ok for the boys in our year to have competitions on who could get with the most girls at a party, or create a points system for how many points getting with each girl was worth, if a girl was to get with multiple people they were labelled as a slut or ‘damaged goods’. You are either accepted by the boys and remain silent against their sexist remarks, or you speak out and are against them, ruining their fun and being boring - not the nicest scenario to present to newcomers to the school.
By the end of year 13, most of the girls in my year were no longer friends with any of the boys, as instead of adapting their culture to make us feel comfortable, they would rather shun you and keep it as an ‘all boys club’. I had many instances of being sexually objectified at CRGS, from younger boys shouting ‘tits’ as I walked past, male teachers commenting on the tightness of my skirt, and another student claiming that I sent explicit photos/videos to him and all the boys talking about it (the worst part of this being that when I tried to turn to one of the other boys, previously a good friend, to tell the rest it wasn’t true, he refused to believe me and said the boy wouldn’t lie).
I also acknowledge that there were many times where, in an attempt to fit in and make the boys like me, I was silent during chats about other girls which were completely unacceptable, for which I am genuinely sorry. I hope that this incredible article and the accounts written by other strong women and men are a stepping stone towards creating a more comfortable and safe environment for women at CRGS and neighbouring schools.
#135: Whilst at CRGS I had a boyfriend who also attended the school. I remember once he was attempting to initiate sex by sticking his hands down my knickers. I told him repeatedly I didn’t want it and his response was “but you’re wet so you must want it”.
#136: I had things about my sex life shouted out to me by boys across the sixth form common room about me and my boyfriend who also attended CRGS. When they were directed at me they were derogatory and calling me out for being a “slut” but when directed at him they were congratulatory. I attempted to talk to my boyfriend about it but he completely brushed it off as just him and his mates bantering.
#137: I was repeatedly touched up by a specific boy in lessons. I would try to move his hand away but he wouldn’t stop. This happened for a whole year until he dropped the a-level subject and left the class.
#138: At my interview for CRGS I was asked by a senior member of staff who was interviewing me how many A*s I was going to get at GCSE. When I responded with confidence his response was that he was “glad he wasn’t a betting man”, implying I was being over-optimistic. I went on to receive those grades and more.
#139: I have made a list here, highlighting my experiences at the CRGS sixth form.
1. In our first term of Year 12, a number system rating the girls was invented.
2. "Who are your top 3 girls in the year?" was a common question asked by male students to each other.
3. The 'Gurney Benham effect' was something passed down for guys in the year above to degrade women.
4. Girls were commonly said to be "opened up", "passed around" and "shared" amongst groups of boys.
5. The size of girls' asses and breasts was a common topic of conversation.
6. Girls had been given code names so they could be spoken about in close proximity to the girls without them knowing.
7. "Sket" and "slag" were common adjectives used by guys for many females at the school. Disrespecting women was made out to be an achievement by some groups of boys.
8. Songs degrading women were common place.
9. Those who stood up for women were described as "snowflakes" or "feminazis".
10. One boy asked to exchange nudes of his girlfriend for nudes of an another girl.
11. One student said to another girl "I would rape you" believing it was a compliment.
12. One male student had sex with a passed out girl.
13. Another male student forced a female student to give him oral sex and filmed it while she was severely intoxicated.
14. One female was ridiculed by boys when she expressed that she would like to wait before doing anything sexual.
15. In response to the article, some boys said dismissed it and called it "waffle" and it "wasn't that deep" and that worse things should've been said to the females at the school. One male said that the people who cared were "all retards".
16. After one boy gave oral sex to a girl his friends joked that they could "still smell her" on his fingers.
17. It was a contest to try and "get with" as many girls as possible in one night. "Pump and dump".
18. A contest was made to see which male student could get oral sex in the library first.
19. One male student forced drink down a girl's throat to get with her later that night.
#140: I went to CCHS. When I was in year 9 it became common knowledge that the boys in my year from CRGS had a shared folder of nudes they had solicited from girls our age.
#141: The summer holiday before joining CRGS I went to my first party. I was sexually assaulted whilst walking home, by a man I didn’t know. My first phone call in tears to my friend got filtered through coarse Chinese whispers to the grammar school boys and girls continuing to drink on Hilly Fields. The story died down during the summer holidays, but within my first week at CRGS, on telling a boy my name, I was confronted with an, “ohhhh, you’re the girl that got licked out by a Mexican.” I couldn’t do anything but agree. From then on boys in my year and the year above would shake imaginary maracas at me when I walked around the school.
In fact, I have never been scatty, and I probably never will be, at most I was very creative. But whilst at CRGS I had learnt a way of acting, which allowed the boys and men to feel superior. Men liked to read that as scatty. Of course I wasn’t.
One Monday morning I heard a rumour that I had given a boy a blowjob at the party on Saturday. My precise memory of that night is of the boy in question lying in a sleeping bag next to me, in a room full of drunk, sleeping bodies, slipping his hands into my sleeping bag and down into my knickers. No talking, no kissing, no consent. I froze and felt his ugly fingers touching me. I couldn’t speak, move or act. I just waited for it to end. He then told everyone on Monday I had given him a blowjob.
Maybe because of the episodes sketched above, by the end of the summer term in Lower Sixth I had developped M.E. (Chronic Fatigue). I only went to school a few days in the following Autumn term. I remember seeing my best friend for the first time in weeks, he picked me up, tightly hugging me. Later that week as I explained to the Head of Sixth Form that I wouldn’t be applying to Cambridge that year as I had ME and wasn’t attending school he replied with a raised eyebrow, “you didn’t look that tired when I saw you hugging XXXXX the other day.”
The year after I left CRGS, a boy who had left CRGS at 16 offered for me to crash at his house, in his spare room, so that I didn’t have to get a taxi home by myself. I took up the offer. Once I found out there was no spare room I resigned myself to sleeping in his bed. Once I had fallen drunkenly asleep he took my clothes off and had sex with me, I only found out becasue he proudly told me in the morning. I went to buy the morning-after pill the next day. It took me ten years to understand I was raped.
I went to CRGS in 2008 as a bright, confident, happy girl from CCHS, I left two years later totally broken, with constant anxiety, depression and the self-esteem of a pea, that would define my life for the next ten years. What makes me angry now is that for so many years after attending CRGS I thought that I was the crazy one, bursting randomly into tears and finding it difficult to ever feel good or happy. After a few years of therapy, and reading all these testimonies I'm starting to realise that in fact I was pretty normal and what was crazy was the culture I was forced to experience at CRGS. Luckily my life is pretty good now, but to hear that this is still happening makes me feel sick.
#142: I never felt welcome by the majority of senior staff or pupils. I was given the understanding that the girls were only ever brought into the school to create a more competitive atmosphere for the boys. With two nephews now at the school, I’m concerned that this culture has still not been stamped out. Well done on speaking out!
#143: I attended an open evening for prospective sixth form applicants in 2016, where the male English Literature teacher refused to give me the recommended reading list explicitly because it was "for the boys," when I stressed my interest in a broad range of literature (I wanted to study English Lit??) he reluctantly handed me the piece of paper in a pretty clear dismissal. I thought that was pretty indicative of the attitude of the staff at CRGS to the women they bring in.
#144: I attended CCHS in the 2000’s and can recognise the experiences of many of my peers in the comments even from back then (think Nokia phones and MySpace as the means of spreading rumour).
As early as year 9, a rumour spilled from CRGS that one of the girls in my class had let a boy perform sexual acts on her whilst she was on her period. I can’t speak for the impact this had on her ‘reputation’ within CRGS but it spread through CCHS like wildfire and she was thereafter known for it - however true or untrue.
Both schools also had a huge issue with homophobia. We spent the whole 7 years trying (along with the boys) to work out who ‘the lesbian’ or ‘the gay boy’ in the year was (spoiler alert, it was me all along). Whoever was suspected was subject to bullying from both sides of the fence and wasn’t invited to any social occasions because ‘what’s the point of making the effort if she isn’t going to sleep with any of us’. It’s not a culture that promotes the healthy platonic relationships between girls and boys that will be needed in later life!
From these comments it looks like CRGS has possibly got worse not better in the last decade or so. Based on my (95% positive and enriching) experience I have been pressing my sister to let her nephew take the 11+....now I will be showing her this article first.
#145: The whole place had such a toxic environment. Boys are told from age 11 that they are literally better than others which just grows entitlement that you don’t get when joining just for those last 2 years - instead you come in Constantly feeling that you weren’t as good as those boys already there. Just an easy examples of the casual sexism is the only social group out of the school was the rugby curry nights. Nothing to do with rugby, just an excuse for the boys to go on a night out. No girls allowed was the rule. Ever.
#146: I went to CCHS in the early 2000s and, looking back, there was a really toxic culture of misogyny at CRGS. I used to be quite tense walking past CRGS on my way home from school because I would sometimes be harassed over my appearance.
In year 11, I knew some boys at CRGS who were having a 'competition' over the summer, tallying up points based on how many girls' numbers they got, how many girls they kissed, and so on.
One of them started a relationship with a girl in my year and told everyone they'd done certain things together. On one occasion, they set up an anonymous MSN account and used it to bully me for my appearance. I got scared of bumping into the group on the way home from school.
#147: I left CRGS over 10 years ago having gone through from year 7 to 13 there. I mostly enjoyed my years at the school; the quality of education was high, and i was sporty and popular enough to avoid being victimised. I was also cowardly enough never to stand up to the wider culture of misogyny, racism and homophobia that all of these comments attest to and describe so clearly and powerfully.
I look back on much of that time with a sense of shame and guilt at what I was complicit in. I wasn’t aware of some of the more egregious exemples of rape and assault happening in my year, but certainly heard second-hand stories of it happening to others in other year groups. And in those stories the women were always the butt of the joke and shamed relentlessly.
The general environment for girls in the sixth form was appalling: a small group thrown into a well-established larger crowd of boys whose behaviour had never been checked or called-out. I recognise something in almost all of the comments on this page so far and can attest to their veracity. It’s extremely disheartening to hear that seemingly nothing has changed and no lessons learned.
On a separate and more personal note, it was also telling that no one in my year came out as gay until after they had left the school. This includes myself, and I still haven’t told most of those I went to school with. The prospect of ever coming out whilst at school was so horrendous I repressed all possibility of it, which obviously only made it all the harder to accept when it became undeniable, with terrible consequences for my relationships and general life. Not all of that can be attributed to the school.
In terms of both misogyny and homophobia, at least in the 2000s when I was there, the lad culture that prevailed was a reflection of wider trends (where it was second nature to describe something bad as “gay”). But the school exacerbated and intensified all of these poisonous aspects and made the lives of anyone who didn’t quite fit in to the lad culture (and girls in particular) a living hell. I’ll always remember the principled few, of whom I was not one, who made a stand during sixth form and took no part in the broader culture, and in doing so lost a lot of friends. I spend a lot of time wishing things had been different and that I had done things differently. I hope something good can come out of all this.
The school needs a massive change it is unlike any other school I have attended out of the 5 schools I’ve been to.
The phrase “the best education money can’t buy” is also utter rubbish, as plenty of the students at the school received some form of private education prior to attending the school, often with the sole aim of getting into CRGS.
As a male student coming in for the final two years, it was one of the most unpleasant experiences I’ve had in my life. I dreaded having to go to school, and if I could go back to change my decision I would do so in a heartbeat.
The existence of the OC Society, whilst not problematic on its own, encapsulates this awful attitude. The propaganda spouted at assemblies made it seem like joining the society was the only way to ensure success. I’m happy to say I’ve achieved all I’ve wanted in my life so far, in spite of that horrendous institution. I could think of nothing worse than extending my association with that place beyond the two depressing years I had to.
#151: Also just to expand on the shaming of women for speaking out about sexual assault: My friend, after saying that her interactions with a boy at a party had not been consensual, was subjected to essentially 2 years of bullying for it. One boy, in particular, was especially disgusting, calling her “ugly [name]” for the entirety of sixth form. He would also make distasteful noises when she sat near him. When I asked him about his behaviour he said: “if a piece of shit said next to you, you would have the same reaction”. The fact that such behaviour arose from the fact that one of his friends took advantage of her, makes me feel sick. He spent the whole 2 years being what can only be described as evil. Not only do the boys of the school not hold their friends accountable, but they actively go out of their way to exile and bully those who have been affected by the undeniable rape culture. The shamelessness of this boy to bully someone who only told the truth is vile and the worst thing is he faced no repercussions. He was idolised by both men and women at the school despite them knowing of his behaviour. Also, the boy he defended went on to sexually assault other women - maybe if his friends had held him accountable that would not have happened.
#152: I was raped by a CRGS student. I reported this to the police and after months of a criminal investigation it was concluded that there was insufficient evidence. I was told that appealing would prove mostly unsuccessful. When my mother raised the question to the police whether the school will be informed or whether he will have to attend any courses on consent or any repercussions the answer was no. The school does not even have to be informed by the police, but by the sounds of the article it doesn't seem like much action would be taken. I also received negative reactions from other CRGS students, one telling me he 'hates girls that say they got raped just because they regret having sex with the person'. Even if CRGS is teaching basic lessons on consent it has proven greatly insufficient.
#153: At a house party, I was touched up by two of my male friends without consent, who had been at crgs since yr7. Additionally, in our group of friends, the boys continuously made sexually inappropriate and rape-related jokes. When confronted by the girls of our group, we were labelled sensitive.
Reading this article really saddened me. Not because it was shocking but because of how much was really familiar. I was a part of too many 'grey situations' involving alcohol and poor judgement and probably 80 percent of my cohort may have been part of at least one ambiguous scenario themselves. I am not proud of what I was involved in and most of my friends felt similarly afterwards. A lot of things can be put down to childish mistakes and I can honestly say that for me and some of the better guys amongst our cohort, we thankfully grew up and made up for what we did and by the time we entered the sixth form tried to be allies for the girls in our year when the opportunities arose.
I don't blame crgs for the mistakes we young boys made. I think many of the issues experienced here are catastrophic failures in the parenting of the children at this school. I think looking at the examples set by their fathers, who helped perpetuate these cultures for years, these outcomes were all too predictable. I remember one boy bragging about how his dad only hired hot under 25 women for his office and how he loved going to his dad's work. He only attended crhs in 6th form.
The article is right that CRGS can do things to address it. The biggest issue at CRGS is the favouritism of existing students. Thid allows people who do bad things not be held accountable. Students who join for sixth form don't get the same benefit of the doubt that us 7 year veterans were given. I experienced this benefit of the doubt first hand. I avoided suspension for a few worthy reasons due to the fact I was an academic high flier and was given all the extra support I needed by teachers. The favouritism existed in many forms and all teachers had an issue with it. It shouldn't have continued to disciplinary issues though and is certainly the reason I would argue for the protection of the students. The senior staff are often like mothers of convicted felons - thinking that it couldn't be their darling son who commits these crimes.
I dont want it to seem like CRGS is an awful place, if anything I think it is getting better. But the rugby culture and lack of accountability need to face more scrutiny. I would however say that cancelling or expelling these boys may not be the answer. Much like with any crime we should be seeking to rehabilitate and make these people better in the first instance. How they would go about that is obviously a different question altogether though.
I would also like to say sorry to anyone who I personally may have hurt in my time between year 7 and 11 by my actions.
‘Women are just less STEM-oriented than men. You should all be homemakers because it would just be more efficient that way.’ (In a sixth form physics class in 2020)
‘Women shouldn’t be astronauts in a perfect world. Men are stronger and don’t have periods so would use up less resources.’
‘Transgender people wouldn’t be a part of utopia.’
#157: While I was really drunk and nearly asleep, a CRGS boy crawled into bed next to me in nothing but his underwear and proceeded to spoon me. I could feel his erection and it was really disturbing and this was a friend I had known for nearly 8 years. I tried to ignore it basically and just go to sleep. After waking up the next morning, he was gone from the bed, but another girl asked me, ‘don’t you have a boyfriend?’ It makes me worry that something happened in my drunk sleep without my consent. I’m still not sure to this day.
#158: I went to a CRGS/CCHS/CSFC party of people from the year above a couple of years ago. I sat on a CRGS guy’s lap for a bit of fun, and we chatted for a bit. Later, I wanted to get off his lap, as I wanted to go somewhere else and replenish my drink. He was a super scrawny kid but he had this hideous strength, and he grabbed both of my arms and restrained me, not allowing me to get up. I was able to get free and I really didn’t like the feeling at all of being held down on somebody’s lap like that; he was probably getting off on it tbh. I poured my drink all over his lap in response to being held down. All of his friends said that I overreacted and that he didn’t mean it. I didn’t think I was affected by it, but when he said hi to me at St Mary’s bus stop the next day my body froze up and I couldn’t bring myself to reply.
#159: I just want to say that the opinions some boys from CRGS held were disgusting - towards sexism, racism and disabilities. I'll always remember when I walked out from school with 2 of the boys and they started laughing when we walked past a disabled person.
In terms of racism, it wasn't for a few years after leaving that I realised the racial 'banter' I received and subsequently learnt to adopt towards myself, was not ok. I feel sick and sad when I look back and see how I joined in with these racial jokes about me, in order to be friends with those people. I was called the n-word on more than one occasion. Statements were made about interracial relationships being weird, or how sleeping with a black girl is less socially acceptable, or how people thought black people are less evolved. I received daily black 'jokes' from my friends at the time about fried chicken, the KKK, slavery, etc. There are so many more, worse things I wish I could share, but the more you share the less anonymous it can become.
One important, final thing to mention is that years ago we were given a talk by one of the senior OCs. I recognised him because his daughter went to my primary school and bullied me for my race. This goes to show how important it is that we tackle these dangerous views, as they are often passed down families and the cycle continues. Several boys in my year at CRGS were known to have racist dads. Without action and education, these incidents will continue to happen for years.
#160: Like many others I moved from CCHS (where I was happy, confident and self-assured) to CRGS, chasing the promise of academic prestige – where I became anxious, depressed and had panic attacks that affected me for years after. Even walking into the school grounds made me extremely anxious, and I would detour or hide in the bathroom until classes to avoid the common room areas.
I was never assaulted, but the sexism was rife – a few examples that have come to mind:
- I know guys who put items on their balls and then put it in girls faces, making them feel uncomfortable and/or violated (“it’s just banter”)
- There were rumours that a girl in my year had been hit by her boyfriend (a CRGS boy). Instead of any safeguarding or repercussions, it became a running joke thrown around by boys at school, and he won a “Most Likely to Abuse Their Spouse” category included in the yearbook ‘awards’
- During House Song Contest, a girl had to hold hands with and partner-dance on stage with a certain male teacher, who was known for sexist attitudes – we would have only been 16/17. The teacher himself led the form of ‘rowdy’ boys (problematic in itself to enable that kind of environment), where he was known to join in and encouraged them in inappropriate behaviour
- Several girls (including me) were stalked by a boy in our year, who sent inappropriate texts and followed them on and off the school grounds
- A family friend attended CRGS before me and was bullied relentlessly over his sexuality and for being effeminate, had horrific experiences there, leading him to leave before 6th form because he was severely depressed
#162: Have had a boy 2 years above come onto many girls in my year unconsentually, posing as a friend then touching/groping/messaging sexually and passing it off as a joke, dating and attempting to date many despite maybe being 13/14 and him being already 16.
#163: (Current CRGS student here) I remember over hearing a conversation in the first few weeks ago year 12 where a group of boys agreed that “asking for consent kills the atmosphere”.
#164: I went to the school in the 2000s, coming from Chelmsford County High School for Girls. I arrived confident and fiery, leaving a different woman. I said I was interested in medicine, and asked if I had considered nursing or radiology by the head of sixth form. I remember clearly understanding women were inferior to the men in the school- you were put in your place if you did not pretend to be ditzy and sweet or were not slim and white. I lost the art of chatting to people as I was unsure how my comments would be received, and resorted to asking anyone if they had any gossip. I remember feeling so sad I was not touched on the bum, fucked by a man or felt up at parties, and if that is not a sign of rape culture I do not know what is - where you are deemed desirable and correct as a woman if a school boy shows attention by touching, grabbing or inserting his fingers towards your body. and not vice versa.
My grades crashed at the school, and my confidence went so low. I gained a sense of fear in that school, always walking on edge and in fear of what would be shouted at me in the common room, would I be desired sexually by touching and if not what did that say about me as a woman? sport for girls was much underfunded compared to men (a netball teacher rarely showed up for one session a week, 1 hour long) whilst there was a plethora of options for men. I developed a terrible eating disorder and blame the culture of misogyny in that school. I had several friends (all women in the school) who developed chronic fatigue syndrome during their time at the sixth form, and several who were raped at parties whilst asleep (only knowing this was rape now in our 30s).
#165: I was one of the people who moved from CCHS to CRGS for sixth form. CRGS had a 'boy's club' environment, I recall someone trying to start a feminism reading club and it getting overrun with 'lads' (ugh) throwing bacon.
The concern over the length of the girl's skirts, and whether they exposed any shoulder, was patronising and sexist– the concern being that the boys would be 'distracted'. I remember being called in for an all-girl's assembly, where we were informed that while some of us had 'lovely slender figures', others were more 'sturdily built' and thus we must all wear longer skirts. This was in the late 2000s!
A friend was told in a general studies lesson that it is a women's duty to stay home, rather than pursue a career.
I was fortunate to have a nice group of friends, so I feel like I avoided the worst of it– I am sure that others in my year experienced far worse. But I still remember boys trying to throw things down my bra and/or unclasp it as a kind of game, during school hours. I didn't realise that this is wrong until I was no longer at CRGS. I know that boys discussed their sexual fantasies concerning me (in explicit detail), as I heard about it third hand– making me deeply uncomfortable around those people.
The boy's club atmosphere clearly affected the guys (namely, those who were not 'rugby lads') as well. No one came out as being gay in our year, which struck me since in CCHS many people were openly bisexual or gay. I also heard rumours of a male student being severely sexually assaulted, I don't want to give details as I am not in a position to verify, and I don't want to risk outing an assault survivor.
I get that teenagers can be dumb and stupid, and are going to make mistakes. But I do believe that the culture of CRGS exaggerated the sexism that's already present in our society, creating this boy's club atmosphere– my interactions with non-CRGS guys were very different. My sense was that many (not all) of the CRGS boys viewed women as sexual objects first, and people second.
#166: I attended CCHS from year 7-11. I can completely agree with every comment previously. The disrespect towards women and misogyny from a large majority of males attending CRGS is shameful and unlike anything I’ve experienced in comparison to males from other mixed schools. I also fell victim to frequent sexual harassment at parties and social meetings outside of school, where boys would purposely try to get girls drunk or approach girls who were obviously past the point of consent, and perform sexual acts on them/with them, for the sole purpose of getting ‘lad points’, adding the girl to a ranking scheme, and then publicly embarrassing them by sharing private details with their classmates. We all knew confronting these individuals would just lead to more harassment and bullying which we did not think wise to do. Looking back, we should have reported every incident, every episode of sexual harassment and misogyny, every rape, but it was not openly talked about and you would be made to feel shameful if you did.
Personally, I had a nude shared by someone I trusted very much at the time, with what felt like the whole of CCHS and CRGS. Multiple boys from CRGS would send me a copy, calling me every degrading name under the sun for sending it in the first place. This name-calling continued for the rest of my time at CCHS and even after I had left. This had a massive impact on my mental health, it led to me leaving CCHS and attending the sixth form college for years 12-13 as I couldn’t put myself through that kind of harassment any longer. I still suffer with anxiety and issues regarding my own self worth now, 10 years later. I majorly attribute this to my time at school and my interactions with CRGS pupils.
I had friends who had older boys force themselves upon them, then threaten them not to tell anyone or they would make their lives miserable. I had other friends who would be blackmailed in to performing sexual acts, they would get verbally and sexually abused for ‘not doing as they were told’, slut shamed, insulted, made to feel worthless. The rape culture in this school was horrific and by the sounds of it, still is. It needs to change.
#167: As a student at CCHS I frequently felt humiliated and slut-shamed by males at CRGS for the littlest of things. The unnecessary catcalling and sexual harassment I experienced and witnessed with my classmates was unbelievably disrespectful and degrading.
The horror stories from parties are unthinkable, yet they happened far too frequently and to know what these males are capable of with little to no consequence disgusts me. I experienced this over 10 years ago and to read these comments and to know it is still happening just shows the utmost importance of a need for change.
#168: I was a deeply naïve 16 when I joined CRGS: I was there to get A-Levels, make friends, and maybe kiss a boy, if the situation arose. But the idea of doing anything sexual had never even crossed my mind at this time. I briefly dated a long-time member of the school while I was there. After one date, which he spent running his hand up and down my leg, I went to his house for dinner, where he repeatedly pressured me to let him touch me intimately. I said no, repeatedly -- 'seriously, no' -- he kept trying, and eventually he pulled my clothes down anyway. After that, I suggested we meet in town instead, but he only wanted to meet at his house, so I kept going to his house. Every time, I said I didn't want to do anything sexual, and every time he would pressure me into eventually agreeing to various sex acts. Once, he said 'this dick isn't going to suck itself'.
I thought all this was normal and that women were meant to 'put up' with sex to please their boyfriends. It wasn't rape, 'only' coercion, and sure, everyone regrets things they said or did age 16/17. But I share this story because it so clearly demonstrates the entitlement that developed in a culture that tells these boys the world is theirs, that they can have anything they want. In assembly on the first day of sixth form, they told us 'You are the elite', and I doubt it was the first or last time the boys were told that during their time there. I also share it to emphasise its lasting effects: this experience still affects my relationship with sex to this day.
I recognised one or two of the stories here from my year, and am ashamed to say that while I was generally known to be a 'feminazi', I clearly wasn't a very good one, as at the time I was just glad it hadn't been me, instead of standing up for the girls who these things happened to. I'd like to apologise here to all of the more popular girls who I did not associate with at CRGS (largely due to internalised misogyny): I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you and I wish we could have formed a united front against rape culture instead of feeling that our experiences were too minor, isolated or shameful to share.
#169: Boys that commit these crimes tend to also be *intoxicated* and therefore unable to give consent. However, when girls ‘go for them’ without their prior consent, it’s not talked about.
Editors note: This is something I will be exploring in another post coming soon, consent and drinking. Interesting point to note - legally, rape only refers to penetration of an anus, mouth, or vagania using a penis, so a person with a vagina can't legally rape - it's assault, and yes I'm not denying it's an issue, however statistically men are more likely to be sexually assaulted by other men than they are by a woman. I broach this point in-depth here.
#170: CRGS has not only a sexual assault problem, but a large drug problem. From members of CRGS in year 12 selling drugs, to people from as young as Year 9 doing class A drugs at parties. Colchester’s underlying drug epidemic is taking over the lives of CRGS and other Lexden schools.
#171: This comment is not about misogyny or rape culture at CRGS per se - there has been enough powerful testimony on this already, which I could do little more than to corroborate and to express my regret that I felt less able to challenge these attitudes while I was a pupil than I do now.
Instead I'd like to dwell on a linked issue - homophobia and transphobia. As someone who was, during my seven years at CRGS, in the process of working out that I was gay, I cannot say that the school provided a remotely healthy environment for this. Aside from the near-constant, virtually unchallenged use of the word 'gay' in a derogatory manner and the insinuations cast that various people, myself included, were gay and that this was not a good thing at all, a few incidents especially stick in my memory.
The first would date, I think, from when I was in Year 9 and there was a sex education lesson devoted to LGB issues (nothing trans-related, if I recall correctly). Compared to the school experiences of other people I know, this was theoretically quite progressive. Unfortunately, any helpfulness it might have had was undermined from the very beginning when we were asked to put our hands up if we found lesbians funny. I was one of just two people not to put their hands up, which felt pretty isolating. I still can't quite believe that someone thought this was an appropriate way to begin the lesson, especially as it even went on to note the statistical likelihood of at least one person in the room being gay. How did the school think this question would make that person feel?
Other things which cross my mind include the time a little later on in my time at CRGS when a Facebook group was created for people who were in my Year 7 form, complete with a comment from the person who sat next to me on our first day about what a 'fucking queer' they'd thought I was. Did I feel able to report this and be confident it wouldn't have negative repercussions for me? No.
Or perhaps the deputy head on a school trip who thought it appropriate to announce that it was time for 'boys, girls and transsexuals (pre- or post-op)' to get off. When this is the tone being set from the top, how can you hope to call things out? And, in the spirit of honesty, I'll admit to finding that funny at the time. Now I'm aghast. These are just a few examples of a pervasive culture, the cumulative effect of which was more corrosive than any individual instance.
I also remember the leavers' yearbook nominating the person most likely to come out - because, of course, none of us would dare come out while we were at CRGS, would we? Instead, we waited until after we'd left - in my case, really quite a while after, because, frankly, I'd suppressed my sexuality far too deeply for it to re-emerge the second I was in a less toxic environment, something which still saddens me.
This is not to say there weren't some good people on the staff - I still think fondly of a couple of teachers who did call things out, at least one of whom had, I think, clocked my closeted sexuality, and of the teacher whose recommendation led me towards the novels of Mary Renault, which helped tremendously at the time.
I noted recently, some years after leaving, that the school now has an LGBT Society and boasts an award from Stonewall. I had hoped this meant things had changed for the better, rather than that it had filled out a few forms, but the evidence of the other submissions suggests it sadly still has a long way to go to reach the wholesale culture change it needs.
#172: I was not a student at CGRS, I attended the local sixth form college. However, I had a male friend at CRGS who I met from being in the same local area. Looking back now, he clearly displayed outwardly sexist behaviour, and gloated at the superiority of his teaching. He later went on to sexually assault me.
#173: I was raped by a CRGS student and only spoke up about it years later because I was told it would “ruin his life”. After my initial statement to the police, I was advised by others to not pursue the case as he had already shown signs of feeling no guilt for what he did. In addition, I was told that it was likely CRGS would not even believe me if I told them what he had done as they have a culture of ‘protecting their own’, meaning that they are aware of the many rape and sexual assault allegations made towards their students and remain silent about them.
#174: I was a male student of CRGS all the way through. The scale of the testimonies here in my opinion is the tip of an iceberg coated with an unpalatable slime of misogyny, sexism and bullying. I could probably list 100 incidents off the top of my head from when I was there, from boasting about taking condoms off and drunken assault, to gang rape and stalking.
This experience comes from a vile individual in my tutor group throughout sixth form. I had always endured bullying from the oft-mentioned "Rugby crowd" for the fact I was not conventionally attractive, a "nerd", "gay" (although I'm not), but these all seem relatively tame compared to the true scope of what I heard and saw done to other people.
In sixth form, a certain individual in my tutor group would sit in our form room at lunchtime with a couple of other boys and discuss the rape fantasies he'd had the night before, how he wished he could enact them on his morning bus to school. He would fantasise over girls to a truly staggering extent, creating a "lore" around this with his mates, as if it had all happened. Whenever my friends and I got back to the form room before afternoon registration we would catch the end of a conversation about someone we knew.
This guy carried a rusty scalpel in his pocket - a means of "self defence" was his excuse - and the school suspended him after being tipped off about this. He was not expelled and repeated a year, no doubt carrying on joking about rape, demeaning women and stalking them to Tesco at lunchtimes. We did what we could to let people know what he did and the school actioned it. One day, one of these conversations was about the girl I was interested in at the time - they knew this and when I walked in her ex-boyfriend who was one of the mates, started talking about her in the most repugnant sexual manner, making analogies with foodstuffs and comparing to other girls purely to make me feel uncomfortable at the expense of another student.
To me this is the bottom part of the iceberg and required men to come forward, share their stories too and challenge the conversations some have behind closed doors. The shocking posts here are the part above water that the people involved know about, the rugby lads shout about and that have been posted on social media or reported to the authorities. To say that all men are guilty of this behaviour is not true but there is a quiet epidemic of incel culture and misogyny that simmers away behind closed doors. The school and the targets of the person mentioned above only became aware of him because we spoke out and reported it after overhearing and resolving to make change. Most of the clubs and societies often had periods of no supervision where degenerate conversations took place, the girl rating etc. Most telling in relation to the other posts here, Debate Soc never had a supervising member of staff and from my recollection only one girl sporadically attended but was frequently made fun of whilst there. The school seemed blissfully oblivious to some of the problems that happened on the far side of the large-close or the music rooms because we were too scared to say anything about it and endure yet more bullying by our peers.
Obviously looking back on this, it is shameful and it’s sad to see not much has changed. At the time I definitely didn’t feel welcome or integrated as a woman, just a novelty who was judged on what I wore and what my body looked like over my intelligence. A male chemistry teacher told me to drop chemistry A-level and ‘stick to my doodles’ (I did A-level Art) rather than put in the effort to help me understand the course material. I now have a degree in Environmental Science which I started in my 30s, after 15 years of believing I was bad at science which turned out to be totally untrue. Many of the girls had eating disorders as a result of the constant scrutiny from the boys and even male staff members, and we were often pitted against each other by being constantly subject to physical comparison. One male form tutor told us not to eat too much because ‘nobody likes a fat woman’. I’m sure there are many other examples if I was to give it more thought. I couldn’t understand why people kept telling me I was lucky to be there, I had an awful time and I have refused all invitations to ever go back.
For a period of time, having a relationship with one of the "cool, rugby boys" at CRGS offered a respite from the growing levels of abuse, and protection to go about my formative years without the same level of fear and scrutiny. However, after that protection was gone, I felt like I was suddenly "fair game". CRGS boys started to force themselves upon me at parties, they started to comment on my body and appearance, constantly comparing it to other girls' (which began a lifetime of sensitivities and wrongly viewing all girls as competition). Jokes were constantly made about things I was particularly sensitive about. They were made to make me feel, or remind me that I was, unworthy. I would never even say anything in retaliation, for fearing of “biting” or “ruining the banter”. Other CRGS boys began their own torrent of unwarranted hate, shouting a range of abuse at me whenever we crossed paths, including throwing food at me in order to upset me, ruin my night out and force me to leave wherever I was. Upon telling my male friends about this, they simply replied "That's just XXX. He's being funny, just try and ignore him", rather than ever sticking up for me.
However, one of the most overwhelming feelings I felt when initially reading Scarlett's article, was guilt. Guilt that I had been complicit, prioritising popularity and "being liked" by CRGS boys over standing up for myself, or my friends for all those years. I also felt guilt that I had fed into this misogynistic narrative, whether it be consciously or unconsciously. I called other CCHS/ CRGS girls "sluts" and made negative comments on their looks, especially if I viewed them as competition, or if they had gotten with CRGS guys that I had liked. I realise now that those reactions were perpetrated by this sexist culture that was bred at CRGS (that girls had one job, and that was to be fancied by boys), and that many of the “male/female interactions” were likely due to the male exerting their power, peer pressure and dominance over a situation.
Reflecting on these experiences made me realise that whilst some behaviour can be put down to lack of sex education, and children needing to grow up to learn what is acceptable and what isn’t, what I think what CRGS needs to do is examine what kind of culture created so many of these young, 11-13 year old boys, who started to believe it was okay to marginalise, scrutinise and violate young girls (and of course, a lot of the “less popular” or “different race” or “gay” boys etc.) for popularity.
Now don't get me wrong, the majority of teachers I encountered were very passionate about their subject, while also keen to help students, and the selective nature of the school - love or hate it - gave those who wanted to learn and work hard an excellent environment in which to do so, with other like-minded individuals.
However, I agree with other posters on this page that the school has a problem with turning a blind eye to everything outside academics. The posts on this page attest to that. I think the saddest thing about this school is that most of the students who turn up on the first day of year 7 don't have a bad bone in their body yet many get caught up in a highly toxic, elitist and misogynistic environment that is often passed down from generation to generation of students, especially in environments where older and younger students mix, such as the buses to and from school where students can spend 2+ hours a day. It doesn't make the older students bad people per se, but it's a chain that needs to be stopped urgently.
I left after 4 years having struggled with the academic side of things and went to a co-educational comprehensive school where the first thing I noticed was that guys and girls just got along and treated each other at equals. The whole culture around the sixth form girls joining at CRGS is hugely problematic, even in the younger years there was a huge culture of sexualising those girls, comparing each year's cohort etc in terms of attractiveness, which I am embarrassed to say I was complicit in.
I'm just glad I left before the sixth form and avoided becoming an even worse person. Without going into detail, some of my behaviour at the school was genuinely horrendous and the sense of guilt and shame I feel has been a huge downer in my life, leading to feelings of worthlesness, struggles to develop meaningful or intimate relationships, and loneliness. Of course I have to hold myself accountable for my actions, but I feel at the same time the school could have done more to help many of the perpetrators of the actions listed on this page avoid going down such a path.
This moment has affected most of my school/ social life due to my friends and his friends all being one bigger group. It became very hard to even go to parties because I was constantly worried and adjusting my routine to avoid seeing him.
If I ended up in the same room as him I would have panic attacks and once again go into shock- which to me felt like I reliving the experience.
I have gone so many years doubting my self and convincing myself that it was my fault or that it wasn’t actually sexually assaulted because I should of felt ‘lucky’ to get sexual attention FROM HIM. I was scared to speak up because I felt like I would be blamed for this actions, and then relentlessly slut-shamed. This wasn’t an irrational fear as this reaction was that has been given to some of my friends and many other women.
He was never punished for his actions or physical and verbal bullying.
#189: I am a current student at CRGS who has been intending to join the sixth form next year.
The behaviour reported by everyone involved is absolutely horrifying, and while I’ve never been “cool” enough to invite to parties, I can confidently say that casual homophobia, and on some occasions, sexism within the lower school has often been present among certain students.
Unfortunately, the mindset and “ethos” that permeates this behaviour, among students, reported on in this thread, doesn’t come as a huge surprise to me, although I admittedly didn’t realise it was such a profound and grievous issue as it is now being revealed to be, especially in the sixth form.
With that being said, many amazing and kind students in my year who I have spoken to are as disgusted as I am, and I know for certain that they also now want to see change - which I think the school should consider when it inevitably reacts to these events, hopefully to the benefit of all.
Importantly however, I would like to stress that the main thing to be highlighted from my statement is that yes, the same problem DOES exist among a number of lower school students (I’m not quite sure exactly how many, especially considering previous and past year groups, which is quite worrying).
In my opinion, the behaviour that I have observed is nowhere near as atrocious as that described by members of the sixth form, but I do believe that this mindset, among a number of students, is part of the issue, in that an atmosphere is tolerated among groups of boys within the year group where worse things can be permitted to happen, especially, it seems, as the school transitions from single-sex education into a mixed sixth form.
There are many other stories I could tell, but almost a decade out I leave the narrative to others closer in time to the school. But that one instance still turns my stomach to this day.
I had good and bad experiences during my time and I’m still eternally grateful to a couple of the teachers who advocated for my education and went above and beyond. I think the school had problems not just with sexism and misogyny, but also with racism, homophobia and transphobia, but I truly hope that this effort from Scarlett can help the school to acknowledge these problems and going forward it can better protect its pupils.
Additionally, racism is an EXTREME issue at CRGS and needs to be dealt with. Many of the boys at this school think outdated and extremist views are something to be proud of. This is weird because the common theme amongst youth is to have modern liberal views, but it seems at CRGS, the quite opposite is bred. From arguing against BLM to openly saying the n-word, racism is quite disgusting at this school. Another pressing issue the school faces is the immense drug use that is normalised from about year 9 onwards. I have known a number of boys from my year to be doing class A drugs from the ages of 14+. It even happened that the school found out about certain pupils drug dealing within the school, but made no further steps to prevent this from happening again. THEY NEED TO HAVE MORE DRUG AWARENESS ASSEMBLIES.
#197: I was CRGS 2004--11. I didn't know words like 'transgender or 'genderfluid' at the time.
Compared to the lower years, I felt much more comfortable in the sixth form with female company. But many things were built around enforcing gender norms and divisions. The non-negotiable and dimorphic dress code is most obvious; but also things like how form groups were divided (they chose some boys to be in mixed groups, and some to be in boys-only groups, based on prejudice).
Some were explicit: from the strict dress code to the way classes and some form groups were put together. There were also social pressures to be in (straight) romantic relationships, jokes about people who weren't, etc., as well as the odd transphobic remark. Sometimes from teachers, too.
Our tight friendship group, mixed, continues to be close, and I have no doubt that they would have been accepting of me at the time, as they are today. I can't say that I would have felt safe around some of the younger boys, or some teachers, especially given the suffering that cis girls had and have to suffer.
#198: I joined CRGS for the 6th form in the early 2000s from a small, mixed comprehensive school and, right from the start, the narrative of the school was along the lines that they were doing us a favour when, as noted in the article, they were asking for better grades than the students who were continuing at the school from year 11.
I am a gay man and experienced a great deal of homophobia at CRGS while I was struggling to come to terms with my sexuality in those 6th form years. Other male students would lie on my desk at the beginning of lessons and try to make me touch them to "see if I liked it". A group also spent many lessons trying to make me admit I was gay to them. The teacher was clearly aware of what was going on and didn't say or do anything. On the rare occasions when I think of CRGS at all, it is not generally with happy memories.
I can certainly attest that everything said about the treatment of female students in other comments sounds exactly like my experience at the school. There were so few girls in the year that they were a constant topic of conversation, and any perceived negative traits were hugely amplified. I remember thinking strongly at the time that single-sex schools were anachronistic and that it was clearly damaging for boys to grow up in that kind of atmosphere.
To me this is the bottom part of the iceberg and required men to come forward, share their stories too and challenge the conversations some have behind closed doors. The shocking posts here are the part above water that the people involved know about, the rugby lads shout about and that have been posted on social media or reported to the authorities. To say that all men are guilty of this behaviour is not true but there is a quiet epidemic of incel culture and misogyny that simmers away behind closed doors. The school and the targets of the person mentioned above only became aware of him because we spoke out and reported it after overhearing and resolving to make change. Most of the clubs and societies often had periods of no supervision where degenerate conversations took place, the girl rating etc. Most telling in relation to the other posts here, Debate Soc never had a supervising member of staff and from my recollection only one girl sporadically attended but was frequently made fun of whilst there. The school seemed blissfully oblivious to some of the problems that happened on the far side of the large-close or the music rooms because we were too scared to say anything about it and endure yet more bullying by our peers.
#175: As a male student at CRGS, I fully understand that there is an issue with the attitudes held by many (or perhaps even most) of my male peers and I can regrettably attest that many atrocious activities have taken place on school grounds, in classrooms and outside of school (but this is still relevant when the issue is not being fixed at the core). However, I do wish to raise one point that this article neglects to expand upon objectively, and directly confirms at one point, which is that going to an all-boys school creates a rapist. The sentiments expressed seem to be of the opinion that if a male student has attended the school since year 7 (as I have done) that he is responsible, and ultimately guilty of many of these things, purely because he didn’t go to school with anyone of the opposite gender... which to me feels like a vast generalisation of the male population, that without regular female interaction, we are incapable of acting in a respectful and humane manner. With this being said, I admit to being a silent witness to much “locker room talk” that is disgusting and can attest to hearing about rapes and assaults announced proudly by many of the “popular” guys. I do not wish to take away from the stories that are finally being brought to light and hope that my school can make some serious changes to recognise and resolve this issue, and not just make their deplorable excuses that we hear on a regular basis.
Editors note: #NotAllMen - Link.
#176: On a Year 9 trip, another boy stuck his hand down the front of my underwear and grabbed my penis. I was too scared to say anything about it because I was already bullied for "acting gay" even though I'm heterosexual and always have been.
#177: I attended CRGS from 1999 to 2001 years in the sixth form. It was an absolute hotbed of sexism and misogyny but I think I was too young to realise at the time and we all just accepted it. One incidence that sticks in my mind is the day the boys all decided to give the girls a score out of 10 based on categories such as ‘best bum’, ‘best tits’ and ‘most fuckable’. This list was written out and hung up on the notice board in the common room. It was up there far too long - no one, not even staff, were in a rush to take it down. Even the boys who had not participated turned a blind eye. When I protested to one lad I was asked whether I ‘was on my period or something’ and ‘was I upset because I wasn’t higher on the list?’
Obviously looking back on this, it is shameful and it’s sad to see not much has changed. At the time I definitely didn’t feel welcome or integrated as a woman, just a novelty who was judged on what I wore and what my body looked like over my intelligence. A male chemistry teacher told me to drop chemistry A-level and ‘stick to my doodles’ (I did A-level Art) rather than put in the effort to help me understand the course material. I now have a degree in Environmental Science which I started in my 30s, after 15 years of believing I was bad at science which turned out to be totally untrue. Many of the girls had eating disorders as a result of the constant scrutiny from the boys and even male staff members, and we were often pitted against each other by being constantly subject to physical comparison. One male form tutor told us not to eat too much because ‘nobody likes a fat woman’. I’m sure there are many other examples if I was to give it more thought. I couldn’t understand why people kept telling me I was lucky to be there, I had an awful time and I have refused all invitations to ever go back.
#178: I actively encouraged my sister not to attend CRGS due to my experience there. It was toxic from day one. (I incidentally attending the same year as Scarlett.)
It was apparent very quickly that the girls were rated by the boys. A party was organised in the first few weeks; that I later heard was rumoured to have only invited girls over a certain rating. I was labelled ‘a dog’ by some of the boys at the school. I think as I wasn’t perceived to be that attractive, I didn’t attract the same level of toxicity that some girls did. I also was in a relationship with a CRGS boy for the majority of my time which I also think protected me from this.
There are so many small incidents, that on their own I hadn’t thought much of. However putting it all together makes me upset I didn’t stand up to it more. As one of 3 girls in physics we were made to sit together. Supposedly to make us feel more comfortable but I think it isolated us away from the boys. The teachers made a very clear divide between us in classes which I don’t think was for our benefit.
Girls were often singled out for their uniform being inappropriate. I myself was once humiliated in front of a lot of boys by a senior teacher that my skirt was ‘disguising my short’. The comments some boys got away with was truly ridiculous. It just fed into that entitlement that some boys felt. In general the girls were very supportive of each other but I don’t think we felt empowered to stand up for ourselves at the time.
#179: I had a guy pester so much, just comments and leering down your top and touching you every opportunity, to the point I snapped and punched him. Then was scared because I'd visibly done the wrong thing. Previously the guy was pestering my friend so I kind of took over to get him off her back as she was more upset by it all than me. That said, this could have happened at any school, and as a teacher myself, I'm totally aware that these things go on in all schools, not just boys ones.
#180: A couple of months into uni I was raped by a CRGS boy who I thought was my friend, and offering me shelter. It took me about 6 years to even realise it was rape. Until that point, I only thought back to that night as something "that just made me feel a bit grim inside", and used it as a personal, internal cautionary tale of what could happen when I drank too much. Now I realise it was a CRGS boy using his power, coercion and sober force to have sex with a girl “that he had always wanted something to happen with”.
#181: Upon joining CCHS, forming a relationship with CRGS is one of the things that made me start to actually enjoy school. The boys provided friendship, bonding experiences and shared social interactions which enriched my life. It was when popularity, attractiveness and sex became a part of those friendships that I feel without proper sex education, relationships severely suffered. Some CRGS boys made it clear that if you weren’t seen as attractive, you wouldn’t be invited to parties or ever considered cool, thus stunting your social life. It was no surprise that then being considered cool and attractive became the most important aspect of my life.
For a period of time, having a relationship with one of the "cool, rugby boys" at CRGS offered a respite from the growing levels of abuse, and protection to go about my formative years without the same level of fear and scrutiny. However, after that protection was gone, I felt like I was suddenly "fair game". CRGS boys started to force themselves upon me at parties, they started to comment on my body and appearance, constantly comparing it to other girls' (which began a lifetime of sensitivities and wrongly viewing all girls as competition). Jokes were constantly made about things I was particularly sensitive about. They were made to make me feel, or remind me that I was, unworthy. I would never even say anything in retaliation, for fearing of “biting” or “ruining the banter”. Other CRGS boys began their own torrent of unwarranted hate, shouting a range of abuse at me whenever we crossed paths, including throwing food at me in order to upset me, ruin my night out and force me to leave wherever I was. Upon telling my male friends about this, they simply replied "That's just XXX. He's being funny, just try and ignore him", rather than ever sticking up for me.
However, one of the most overwhelming feelings I felt when initially reading Scarlett's article, was guilt. Guilt that I had been complicit, prioritising popularity and "being liked" by CRGS boys over standing up for myself, or my friends for all those years. I also felt guilt that I had fed into this misogynistic narrative, whether it be consciously or unconsciously. I called other CCHS/ CRGS girls "sluts" and made negative comments on their looks, especially if I viewed them as competition, or if they had gotten with CRGS guys that I had liked. I realise now that those reactions were perpetrated by this sexist culture that was bred at CRGS (that girls had one job, and that was to be fancied by boys), and that many of the “male/female interactions” were likely due to the male exerting their power, peer pressure and dominance over a situation.
Reflecting on these experiences made me realise that whilst some behaviour can be put down to lack of sex education, and children needing to grow up to learn what is acceptable and what isn’t, what I think what CRGS needs to do is examine what kind of culture created so many of these young, 11-13 year old boys, who started to believe it was okay to marginalise, scrutinise and violate young girls (and of course, a lot of the “less popular” or “different race” or “gay” boys etc.) for popularity.
#182: Male former student here, left the school about 10 years ago and for about the last 5 years I've struggled on a daily basis with feelings of guilt and shame about my behaviour while there.
Now don't get me wrong, the majority of teachers I encountered were very passionate about their subject, while also keen to help students, and the selective nature of the school - love or hate it - gave those who wanted to learn and work hard an excellent environment in which to do so, with other like-minded individuals.
However, I agree with other posters on this page that the school has a problem with turning a blind eye to everything outside academics. The posts on this page attest to that. I think the saddest thing about this school is that most of the students who turn up on the first day of year 7 don't have a bad bone in their body yet many get caught up in a highly toxic, elitist and misogynistic environment that is often passed down from generation to generation of students, especially in environments where older and younger students mix, such as the buses to and from school where students can spend 2+ hours a day. It doesn't make the older students bad people per se, but it's a chain that needs to be stopped urgently.
I left after 4 years having struggled with the academic side of things and went to a co-educational comprehensive school where the first thing I noticed was that guys and girls just got along and treated each other at equals. The whole culture around the sixth form girls joining at CRGS is hugely problematic, even in the younger years there was a huge culture of sexualising those girls, comparing each year's cohort etc in terms of attractiveness, which I am embarrassed to say I was complicit in.
I'm just glad I left before the sixth form and avoided becoming an even worse person. Without going into detail, some of my behaviour at the school was genuinely horrendous and the sense of guilt and shame I feel has been a huge downer in my life, leading to feelings of worthlesness, struggles to develop meaningful or intimate relationships, and loneliness. Of course I have to hold myself accountable for my actions, but I feel at the same time the school could have done more to help many of the perpetrators of the actions listed on this page avoid going down such a path.
#183: I’m currently in year 11 at CCHSG and dated a CRGS boy from the end of my year 8 to the start of my year 9 (he was two years above me). Regardless of what he intended, he was incredibly manipulative as well as borderline emotionally abusive towards me and I only realised what a huge toll it took on my mental health after I broke up with him. I felt like I couldn’t say no to him whenever he asked me to do sexual things with him and I didn’t want to, because I was scared that he would self-harm or get depressed about it (which happened occasionally a few times I did say no). He rarely asked for verbal consent and even went so far as to try and touch me in-front of my friends when he thought they weren’t watching. Telling him ‘no’ usually resulted in me comforting him after he got upset , so I felt like I had to stop saying no. Me pushing him away in a gentle attempt to get him to stop or suggesting ‘maybe not now’ also did nothing. After we broke up, he went on to ask out several of my friends at the time (most of which who were significantly younger than me; I’m one of the older in my year) and ended up sexually assaulting one of them. I heard rumours of him sexually assaulting one of his other male partners. He also shared photos of me without my consent after we had broken up.
From my experience with CRGS boys, it’s clear that the students have little to no education on consent, and if they do it’s normally from their female peers, social media etc... rather than from school. I feel like many of the things that I (and others) had to deal with from him could have been prevented if the school had simply taught their students about consent and that if it’s not a clearly communicated and enthusiastic ‘yes’; it’s a ‘no’.
#184: I was 14, invited to a CRGS/ CCHS party only then to be taken out into an empty field by one of the ‘lads’ where I was sexually assaulted. I definitely think if it wasn’t for one of the many friends looking for me at this party, I could have been raped- I was in shock on the ground and he was over me and taking off his trousers.
This moment has affected most of my school/ social life due to my friends and his friends all being one bigger group. It became very hard to even go to parties because I was constantly worried and adjusting my routine to avoid seeing him.
If I ended up in the same room as him I would have panic attacks and once again go into shock- which to me felt like I reliving the experience.
I have gone so many years doubting my self and convincing myself that it was my fault or that it wasn’t actually sexually assaulted because I should of felt ‘lucky’ to get sexual attention FROM HIM. I was scared to speak up because I felt like I would be blamed for this actions, and then relentlessly slut-shamed. This wasn’t an irrational fear as this reaction was that has been given to some of my friends and many other women.
#185: A story of a homophobic and manipulative CRGS student who despite being in year 9, didn’t understand the meaning of ‘no’ when a girl didn’t want to go out with him and so he felt entitled to make up rumours and lies to shame the girl for sexual acts she never participated in. As well as sending threats over many social platforms, until he was blocked, so he followed/ stalked her after school/ around town on few occasions. He further continued to display homophobic and sexist attitudes and comments throughout his school years - seeing no issues at all with his behaviour because according to him it was “just teasing” the other students/ children.
#186: I have encountered many micro-aggressions at this school so far due to my gender, and I strongly believe that it is due to the lack of policing in younger years that allows this behaviour to grow, and it will continue to grow into more violent sexism towards us girls until the problem is properly addressed by the school instead of having ideas but taking no action.
#187: I attended CRGS from Year 7 to sixth form. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there and made some fantastic friends and we often recall fond memories we shared. I was a member of the rugby team so perhaps that’s why I had a different experience to a lot of others who have submitted to this page. I am also an OC and have benefitted from and enjoyed being part of the society and its events. I was quite taken aback by this idea that CRGS had a ‘rape culture’. I was shocked that Scarlett had used such a serious, criminal term to label the culture of the school I was proud to have attended.
However, having discussed it with a number of boys and girls who attended the school or knew others who did and thinking about it more seriously, it’s undeniable that there were problems that created a rape culture. Admittedly, I didn’t know what the definition of rape culture was, so for the benefit of anyone else who is unsure: a rape culture is “a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.”
With that in mind, the sexism that was present at the school fundamentally contributed to the devaluing of women and the perception that they were objects rather than people. Whilst I am not saying every male at the school was guilty of that, I am certain it worked into the conscious/subconscious of many. At first, it was difficult for me to see how jokes people (myself included) could be seen to contribute to a rape culture, but the normalisation and validation of these opinions and views undoubtedly has its effect. Just because I knew it was a joke and my friends knew it was a joke, it doesn’t necessarily mean anyone overhearing it knew it was a joke which is problematic.
The past few days have been incredibly uncomfortable and thought-provoking because it forced me to think about how I had bought into this culture and carried it on with others and has led me to think differently about a lot of the experiences I had at CRGS. It is not good enough that there are so many submissions of people being sexually assaulted and that there are still people saying “but it didn’t happen in my year” or “I didn’t know anyone who was a victim of x, y and z”.
If you are of that viewpoint, then read this page. If you’re a proud ex-pupil of the school, then read this page because this all happened to someone from that school that you’re so proud of. It isn’t a case of individual experiences anymore, it is a problem much greater than that. On a side note, thank you for stepping forward and writing the article, Scarlett. It has generated a lot of discussions and I hope that it can bring about the changes required.
#188: Homophobia was rampant at the school during my time. I can't claim to have noticed things at the time with regards to the sexism although I am aware of them more clearly now looking back. Drug use was widespread and not dealt with at all, generally just ignored. The elite few who made every sports team certainly perpetuated the boys-will-be-boys ethos making the school a generally miserable place to be if you were anyone not given to athletic supremacy.
The behaviour reported by everyone involved is absolutely horrifying, and while I’ve never been “cool” enough to invite to parties, I can confidently say that casual homophobia, and on some occasions, sexism within the lower school has often been present among certain students.
Unfortunately, the mindset and “ethos” that permeates this behaviour, among students, reported on in this thread, doesn’t come as a huge surprise to me, although I admittedly didn’t realise it was such a profound and grievous issue as it is now being revealed to be, especially in the sixth form.
With that being said, many amazing and kind students in my year who I have spoken to are as disgusted as I am, and I know for certain that they also now want to see change - which I think the school should consider when it inevitably reacts to these events, hopefully to the benefit of all.
Importantly however, I would like to stress that the main thing to be highlighted from my statement is that yes, the same problem DOES exist among a number of lower school students (I’m not quite sure exactly how many, especially considering previous and past year groups, which is quite worrying).
In my opinion, the behaviour that I have observed is nowhere near as atrocious as that described by members of the sixth form, but I do believe that this mindset, among a number of students, is part of the issue, in that an atmosphere is tolerated among groups of boys within the year group where worse things can be permitted to happen, especially, it seems, as the school transitions from single-sex education into a mixed sixth form.
#190: I found it incredibly hard to fit in at CRGS as they where few girls and all the boys were incredibly toxic. Consequently, I became really close friends with one student, I trusted them a lot, I was very naive at the time and they where constantly flirting with me but I thought they where just being friendly. I stayed over one night and got really close to me and had their dick poking into me the whole night. I was absolutely terrified. When I told them about how uncomfortable they made me they told me they would be more subtle next time.
#191: The general misogynistic behaviour was rife in every day 'banter'. I'm sure the constant undermining and jokes about womens roles - go make me a sandwich etc - have had an impact on the self esteem of girls attending the school. Most notably, I had a boy 'jokingly' punch my breasts, probably every day and make jokes about their size. I've never really thought about where my insecurities about my body came from, but thinking about it now I suspect this behaviour had something to with it. I never reported this as abnormal to the staff because it was so much a part of the culture it didn't even occur to me.
#192: Boys seemed to have free reign to say and do what they wanted, without consequence. I felt the girls were seen in a 'lesser' light by teachers. Continual sexism and misogyny not just from fellow pupils, but was repeatedly singled out by a senior male member of staff who would call for me from across the grounds, in front of other pupils, and ask me loudly why I was 'looking so thin? Don't you eat anything?' Comments about my weight continued for over 18 months - I was a naturally slim teenager with a healthy relationship with food. Same teacher told me to 'apply somewhere less difficult to get in to - why not look at [X], or [Y]? Apply for something less challenging, those places wouldn't suit you'. A year later, I went on to study at a prestigious university. I have no doubt my gender played a part in these assumptions and comments about my abilities.
#193: Whilst I left in 1986. before girls were admitted to CRGS, there are a lot of issues mentioned that I can relate to. The sense of entitlement of many pupils, the obsession with results over pupil welfare, the misogyny and homophobia that were all deeply engrained within CRGS when I was there. All why I never wished to have anything to do with the school and/or OC upon my departure.
#194: Something that has really stuck with me is that when boys were in the common room and it was really crowded, if a seat became available they would often say "I'd rape that seat" before running to sit down. Even at the time it felt wrong, but I never felt like I had the language to articulate the issue properly.
#195: I was in the same year as Scarlett and (second hand from my boyfriend at the time) I recall a tale of a boy in the year above us placing his genitalia on a girl’s shoulder during the school day in a classroom at the school. The school did not press charges, and allowed the boy to sit his final exams because he has “worked so hard”. The boyfriend relayed the story with a laugh, and didn’t understand why the girl was so upset.
I had good and bad experiences during my time and I’m still eternally grateful to a couple of the teachers who advocated for my education and went above and beyond. I think the school had problems not just with sexism and misogyny, but also with racism, homophobia and transphobia, but I truly hope that this effort from Scarlett can help the school to acknowledge these problems and going forward it can better protect its pupils.
#196: Personally, I have had no sexual encounters from those from CRGS I have had contact with. However, I have dealt with relentless body-shaming from many of my ‘friends’ from the school from about year 8 onwards.
Additionally, racism is an EXTREME issue at CRGS and needs to be dealt with. Many of the boys at this school think outdated and extremist views are something to be proud of. This is weird because the common theme amongst youth is to have modern liberal views, but it seems at CRGS, the quite opposite is bred. From arguing against BLM to openly saying the n-word, racism is quite disgusting at this school. Another pressing issue the school faces is the immense drug use that is normalised from about year 9 onwards. I have known a number of boys from my year to be doing class A drugs from the ages of 14+. It even happened that the school found out about certain pupils drug dealing within the school, but made no further steps to prevent this from happening again. THEY NEED TO HAVE MORE DRUG AWARENESS ASSEMBLIES.
#197: I was CRGS 2004--11. I didn't know words like 'transgender or 'genderfluid' at the time.
Compared to the lower years, I felt much more comfortable in the sixth form with female company. But many things were built around enforcing gender norms and divisions. The non-negotiable and dimorphic dress code is most obvious; but also things like how form groups were divided (they chose some boys to be in mixed groups, and some to be in boys-only groups, based on prejudice).
Some were explicit: from the strict dress code to the way classes and some form groups were put together. There were also social pressures to be in (straight) romantic relationships, jokes about people who weren't, etc., as well as the odd transphobic remark. Sometimes from teachers, too.
Our tight friendship group, mixed, continues to be close, and I have no doubt that they would have been accepting of me at the time, as they are today. I can't say that I would have felt safe around some of the younger boys, or some teachers, especially given the suffering that cis girls had and have to suffer.
#198: I joined CRGS for the 6th form in the early 2000s from a small, mixed comprehensive school and, right from the start, the narrative of the school was along the lines that they were doing us a favour when, as noted in the article, they were asking for better grades than the students who were continuing at the school from year 11.
I am a gay man and experienced a great deal of homophobia at CRGS while I was struggling to come to terms with my sexuality in those 6th form years. Other male students would lie on my desk at the beginning of lessons and try to make me touch them to "see if I liked it". A group also spent many lessons trying to make me admit I was gay to them. The teacher was clearly aware of what was going on and didn't say or do anything. On the rare occasions when I think of CRGS at all, it is not generally with happy memories.
I can certainly attest that everything said about the treatment of female students in other comments sounds exactly like my experience at the school. There were so few girls in the year that they were a constant topic of conversation, and any perceived negative traits were hugely amplified. I remember thinking strongly at the time that single-sex schools were anachronistic and that it was clearly damaging for boys to grow up in that kind of atmosphere.
#199: Never before have I experienced such a deep integration of homophobia and misogyny in a school environment. “Gonna rape them” was a common phrase I heard over the course of my time at the school, though I believe it was used by students in reference to the video games they had been playing, it was disgusting nonetheless. Give the school credit where it is due however, there are multiple incidents I can recall where the school dealt with any SA claims very readily.” You slag” was another common insult which was frivolously in the school environment.
Nevertheless I attended around 6 years ago in the 2014 cohort of students, so the school may have changed it’s policies since that time. A large group of students, I shan’t name names, took to using the phrases “joke over” and “rape over” at the end of any kind of Misogyny which belittled the issue and left me and many other students feeling powerless.
#200: Thank you for writing this article! Although I generally enjoyed my time at the school and have made lifelong friends the overall culture was toxic. If only we had known how many people felt the same, we could have worked together at the time to challenge it! Here are some of my memories of examples of this:
- A general feeling of unease if walking alone around the school, largely due to the groups of younger boys making comments and sniggering
- A speech from the head of sixth form (a teacher) suggesting that if the thin girls wore short skirts then the fatter girls would feel it was okay to, and that's why it wasn't allowed.
- There was a list created by some of the boys in my year of the girls they would f**k.
- When posters were put up advertising a school play with a photo of one of the girls who was in it, they were vandalised with derogatory/misogynistic comments.
- A comment made to me by one of the boys that the only ugly girls were the ones who were actually smart, insinuating the others only got in based on their appearance.
- Not counting the general acceptance of sexism, homophobia, jokes about people suffering with their mental health etc.
Support
Note: If you are a child and need help, whether you're currently experiencing sexual abuse or have experienced it in the past, please reach out to the NSPCC if you feel comfortable. Further, you can also report a crime to the Essex Police or call 101.
For adults, if you need support, you can also contact the police or you can reach out to mental health organisations Suffolk Mind or Essex Mind. Alternatively, contact the Essex Centre for Action on Rape & Abuse or Suffolk Rape Crisis. You can also give anonymous intelligence to The Ferns in Ipswich to help the police with future cases if you feel uncomfortable pressing charges yourself.
Note, I have personally used both the services of Suffolk Rape Crisis and The Ferns and highly recommend them as super-friendly and approachable organisations!
Photo for SEO purposes.